INT. BEDROOM. NIGHT.
A 70 YEAR OLD HAG IS IN BED WITH A TWENTY-SOMETHING BRONZED ADONIS.
ADONIS: (smoking)
That was absolutely awesome.
HAG:
Do you want to meet me again?
ADONIS: (enthusiastically)
Yeah, too right.. I'm nipping to the bathroom to freshen up, I'll be right back.
ADONIS GETS OUT OF BED AND GRABS A WHITE STICK. HAG UNDOES A BULLDOG CLIP THAT IS HOLDING HER SKIN TAUT.
Not up to your usual standard Nigel. Surely if he's blind he be more aware of her feeling old.
Am I thinking about it too much? 
Ah well, some you win, some you lose.
Cheers and good luck for The Toon this weekend 
That's awfully nice of you, thanks.
That one's a bit average, King of the Quickie. Might work better if she starts ironing her skin as he goes to freshen up.
Dan
Or undoes a bull dog clip that's holding all her skin taut, on her back.
'OLD HAG' UNDOES A BULLDOG CLIP THAT IS HOLDING HER SKIN TAUT - THIS IN TURN RELEASES A FLOOD OF 'OLD HAG' LOVE-JUICE AND PISS.
THE BLIND ADONIS TAP-TAPS HIS WAY BACK TO THE BED. HE STARTS TO FEEL AROUND THE 'OLD HAG' WHEN HE REELS BACK IN HORROR AND EXCLAIMS: "F**k me! It's Nigel Kelly's mum!"
I've only recently came across to Critique so I'll search out your other stuff - but I liked it.