Andre (a song) (ish) from Jordan

My first attempt at lyrics

To the Westlife version of Mandy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p90xxxCQcss

I remember jungle nights
You and me and all those fights
Mosquitos buzzing round
Snakes on my pillow
Crying on TV
The food ran out

Til morning and another day
Too soon you were on your way
Sorrow in your eyes
Insani-anity
I never realised
How rich you could make me, Oh Andre

When you came and you tanned without faking
And you knew me as Katie, Oh Andre
When you said, if we wed, we'd be raking
All the cash in the world, Oh Andre

Now we're fighting all the time
We have to split what's yours and mine
Caught up in a world
Of celeb-rianity
The tears are in your eyes
Cos I own the money, Oh Andre

When you came and you tanned without faking
And you knew me as Katie, Oh Andre
When you said, if we wed, we'd be raking
All the cash in the world, Oh Andre

Now we're not a team
I'll face This Morning
And Loose Women alone
Without all your moaning, Oh Andre

When you came and you tanned without faking
And you knew me as Katie, Oh Andre
When you said, if we wed, we'd be raking
All the cash in the world, Oh Andre

When you came and you tanned without faking
And you knew me as Katie, Oh Andre
When you said, if we wed, we'd be raking
All the cash in the world, Oh Andre

Oh Andre won' t you listen to what I've gotta say
Oh Andre don't you know you've thrown it all away
On Andre I could of told you that the club bloke was gay

I don't need you today
Oh Andre

Wow, great stuff Jane. As I can't carry a tune in a bucket, never mind composing an entire song, I'm a little in awe of people who can.

Now if you can re-write 'Mysterious Girl' by P. Andre and replace the chorus with 'Treacherous Girl', then I would be really impressed.

P.s. I think Oh Mandy was originally sung by Barry 'The Baz' Manilow.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ May 15 2009, 4:13 AM BST

Wow, great stuff Jane. As I can't carry a tune in a bucket, never mind composing an entire song, I'm a little in awe of people who can.

Now if you can re-write 'Mysterious Girl' by P. Andre and replace the chorus with 'Treacherous Girl', then I would be really impressed.

P.s. I think Oh Mandy was originally sung by Barry 'The Baz' Manilow.

View original

I'm glad to see you're a secret Fanilow too. One of my favourite lyric of his:
"Who's been sleeping in my bed ,getting what I get, when I don't get it?"
I was trying to be down with the kids with Westlife

OK I had a quick go but I think you should finish it as it's your idea. Not sure if it works so well as there's less of a tune! But maybe just that's my excuse! I 'ladded' it up just for you RP. x

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9YHg07NLLc

(rap bit)
Katie Price I said tonight is your lucky night
Peter Andre along with Bob the lawyer are on the mic

I stopped and stared at you
Was hard not to with those boobs
But we never have the sex
Not even with the lube

Now it's time to get divorced
I'll get my share at last
My lawyer says I own one breast
And all of your fine ass

etc

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Treacherous Girl
I now own most of you
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Treacherous Girl
What is a boy to do?

Okay, I'll have a go, but it is nowhere near as good as yours -

You said I wasn't big Down Under
Because I'm a one hit wonder
Getting married made our love legit
But it was legit as your left tit

Without you I can't afford
To pay Max Clifford
Selling our divorce will stop the debts
You can see it live on the internet

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Treacherous Girl
Your assets we're gonna split
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
You and I make a pair of tits

Etc.

Quote: Jane P @ May 15 2009, 8:39 AM BST

I'm glad to see you're a secret Fanilow too. One of my favourite lyric of his:
"Who's been sleeping in my bed ,getting what I get, when I don't get it?"

View original

He sang it but probably didn't write it though. The man who 'writes the songs which make the whole world sing' didn't actually write that song. Which is as ironic as Alanis Morrisette's Ironic not being ironic.

Liked the song too by the way. I'm not just here to post about the Manilow...

Hi Jane

Really good, but can you change the ending so it all ends up being a big publicity stunt, like it probably will end up being. And they are two of the biggest media whores anyway, so people would expect that.

Dan

Very good, Jane. Love the way you've used the rhythm - the "raking...cash" works very well in such a way. You're pretty much ace at everything you attempt comedy-wise.

I guess the obvious thing though is to use Peter Andre's song to add another comic dimension. Inspired by some of the above, I had a go, if you'll forgive me (got rather carried away, was supposed to be editing my last one):

Mysterious Girl:

Had an affair, did you
Ya dirty little whore
Said he was just a mate
And your love for me endures

We haven't had no sex
For a year and a day
But straight after the marathon
You made out with some gay

Ka-tie, are you still mine?
You've gone, leaving Harvey behind; I'm stuck here with the kid who's deaf and blind

We met on a TV show
Your tits were soft as dough
And in the jungle I needed a pillow

(RAP) Kate and Pete…whiny tw*t and an arse

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh I'm real p**sed off girl
Now I bare-ly see those t*ts

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm serious girl
I-really-think now it's time we split

(RAP) Girl, you know his album's dire
But one more hit is what he most desire
He tell dem, he want it to get higher
Then the last attempt…

(PETER) Watching my street cred dip
I felt a little sick
On the Graham Norton show, you made me look a dick (/said I had no dick)

And all your drunken mishaps
Get caught by the paps
And girl, when it's late at night
It's them not me who see your baps

Girl, our love has run its course
I caught you w*nking off that horse
I think it's fair ar-gu-ment for a divorce

Oh, girl I just spoke to you
Katie, you said you were true
Let's get back together, I might get a number two

(RAP) Flipping hell…not Pete's album release

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
The News of The World
Bought the story like you planned
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
"Devastated" girl
We'll earn ourselves at least ten grand

Thanks for those replies. Rob H - I bow to your knowledge on that song. BM has probably covered more than he's written so I'm sure you're correct. That line still makes me smile though - who said romance was dead?

Dan - You're right I don't think I'll ever go far enough for satire - I feel guilty if I'm too mean!

Unlike RobO or RC of course.

Both v good, and edgier than mine. Send 'em in to NR.

Jx