British Comedy Guide

Stone Cold Man

INT. BEDROOM. NIGHT.

A WOMAN IS ATTEMPTING TO KISS HER HUSBAND.

WOMAN:
Come on, we haven't done it in ages.

SHE WHISPERS INTO HIS EAR AND GIGGLES.

WOMAN:
I know what'll get you in the mood.

SHE PUTS HER ARM UNDER THE QUILT TOWARDS HIS CROTCH.

MAN:
I don't know, maybe my libido's low.

WOMAN:
Ok, desperate times call for desperate measures, where's the feather?

SHE GETS OUT OF BED AND GETS A FEATHER OUT OF A DRAWER.

WOMAN:
You used to love this.

SHE STARTS TICKLING HIS FEET BUT GETS NO RESPONSE.

WOMAN:
What is it with you? I've had enough, time to get Wilbur.

SHE OPENS A DRAWER AND GETS OUT A DILDO. SHE BOUNCES BACK INTO BED.

WOMAN:
Good old Wilbur, budge up... oops, sorry love.

SHE KNOCKS HER HUSBAND OUT OF BED. HE IS LYING ON THE FLOOR.

CAMERA PAN TO WHEELCHAIR BESIDE HIM.

WOMAN:
Be there in five darling.

Made me smile Nigel!

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