24

JACK BAUER IS BEING INTERVIEWED BY M.

M
Aah Jack how's the exchange program between MI5 and CST going?

BAUER
Quiet damn it wheres the action? Wheres the danger?

M
Now Jack there is a threat. A single individual who has paralysed our entire spying aparatus.

BAUER
Who is it Smersh? SPECTRA? Boris Johnson?

M
No Jack it's you. You've completed 5 missions in 24 hours in blatant contrevention of the EU work time directive. They're all on strike thanks to your lousy example.

BAUER
Damn you cheese f**king, homosexual surrender monkeys! With your annual leave and maternity leave and your cups of tea with your little fingers sticking out.

M
Get out you neoliberal, capitalist nazi.

BAUER
Fine I'm off to join Al Quaeda they've got a work ethic.

STORMS OUT INTO THE OFFICE JAMES BOND HAS A PLACARD READING
"No assassination without representation."
HE HAS A BRAZIER AND IS WEARING A FLAT CAP.

JAMES BOND
Scab!

I do like this one. Perhaps drag it out a bit with a couple of other examples before he calls us surrender monkeys. Add another mock-serious one, and then one about his lunchtime banana being too bendy. That should get a laugh.

Dan

It is a little to compact I think I might expand it a leedle beet more.

Quote: sootyj @ May 14 2009, 11:31 AM BST

JACK BAUER IS BEING INTERVIEWED BY M.

M
Aah Jack how's the exchange program between MI5 and CST going?

BAUER
I solved your problem with Al Quaeda trained Pakistani students.

M
By atom bombing Tipton.

BAUER
It took 24 hours. Then I punished Russian for their polonium based assassinations.

M
By winning the eurovision song contest in Moscow with a techno remix of Una Palomoa Blanca.

BAUER
Again in 24 hours. Taking 24 hours to solve terrorist threats that's my thing. I'm like a justice marinade.

M
Now Jack there is a new threat. A single individual who has paralysed our entire spying aparatus.

BAUER
Who is it Smersh? SPECTRA? Boris Johnson?

M
No Jack it's you. You complete all your missions in 24 hours in blatant contrevention of the EU work time directive. All our spys on strike thanks to your lousy example.

BAUER
So I brought justice and freedom to your faggoty little island.

M
Justice, freedom and irreprable damage to employment relations.

BAUER
Damn you cheese f**king, homosexual surrender monkeys! With your annual leave and maternity leave and your cups of tea with your little fingers sticking out.

M
Get out you neoliberal, capitalist nazi.

BAUER
Fine I'm off to join Al Quaeda they've got a work ethic.

STORMS OUT INTO THE OFFICE JAMES BOND HAS A PLACARD READING
"No assassination without representation."
HE HAS A BRAZIER AND IS WEARING A FLAT CAP.

JAMES BOND
Scab!

View original

Better.

Dan

This is the Bauer sketch!