Mothers

A much shortened version for your perusal.

Husband & Wife in Bed.

WIFE
I don’t want your mother to come stay. She hates my guts. All the way down to my bone marrow.

HUBS
Well you will argue with her

WIFE
She is a dragon. Nothing is good enough. The food is to hard, the house to dusty. She wrote her name in the mirror last time she was here.

HUBS
My mother is a sweetie compared to your mother

WIFE
I don’t think so. My mother is a wonderful woman.

HUBS
Nothing I do is good enough for that woman. I don’t work hard enough, I work too much. I drink too much. Last time she was here I caught her shaking the beer cans so they exploded wen I opened them. I ,mean what kind of sicko does that.

WIFE
My mother was just trying to save your liver.

HUBS
My mother was trying to save mites attacking us all.

WIFE
Your mother has a moustache.

HUBS
Your mother has a beard and she has been married 4 times.

WIFE
See my mother is a very popular lady

HUBS
Look I am not arguing with you about my mum.. I have to get up early to pick her up.

WIFE
Take your van then, that can hold up to a ton

Bumping guys coz the dumbo racist is back.

lol Honest head on now Charley thought this was weaker then the other ones. Personally didnt draw like the previous sketches did just I dunno didnt do it for me. All the formatting is good and easy to read so spot on there

lol Honest head on now Charley thought this was weaker then the other ones. Personally didnt draw like the previous sketches did just I dunno didnt do it for me. All the formatting is good and easy to read so spot on there

Sorry Charley - got to be cruel to be kind. I think you ran out of steam - or something. Potential is there and could've been a lot funnier.

I totaly agree David. I took a huge potential and dunked it in the shite stream. Never mind it happens. I know to take my time and use my brain more.

Thanks guys.x

I still want to see your original entry.

God Hun it was shite but here we go.
This is an example of an unfunny very pissed Charley.

Woman walks into a chemist and approaches the counter.

WOMAN
Hello ermmmm! This is a bit embarrassing but well do you have anything for crabs Sir.

CHEMIST
(quite loudly) Crabs madam.

WOMAN
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Please, yes crabs.

CHEMIST
Are we talking food wise Madam, if so try a pet shop.

WOMAN
No Sir we are talking pubic

CHEMIST
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Have you tried picking them out Madam.

WOMAN
Of course I have sir. They must have a nest somewhere. I pick out one, then 18 more of the blighters appear

CHEMIST
Hmmmmmmm, Well we do have some lotion, May I ask do you have a partner Madam.

WOMAN
Of course I do Sir. I haven’t caught them from being a frigid Bridget. I want something I can pour on my husband as well when he is asleep. Does this stuff burn.

CHEMIST
I would’nt know Madam, I have never had crabs.May I suggest petrol for your Husband.

WOMAN
Sir Please Sir, you must have something that can do away with my little problem oh & my husband too.

CHEMIST
Well madam, I can sell you a lotion for the crabs, or I can give you a fun fact sheet about them. I.e. how to or not to catch crabs, what they eat, that they are also known as decopods, how to look after them, that they live for 3 years maximum, yardey yarder Madam. For you Husband, may I suggest Madam, a gun…….

WOMAN
Fabulous. Its been a pleasure doing business with you Sir.

CHEMIST
Yes it wasn’t was it Madam.

Lol, where did you get the idea for this then, humm?

Yeah it was o.k, but if you don't like it, don't delete it though, I regret deleting some of my random sketches.

Now this is more like it again. Obviously a friend told you about this.

lol lol lol. Yes it was a friends cousins, aunts mates sisters neice's pal's mother that told me this

Crabs are only a problem when the tide is out