British Comedy Guide

What is the best diet you have tried

My reject from talking and not talking

What is the most successful diet you have tried?

I did the cabbage one once. Only thing was I didn't like cabbage so I swapped out the cabbage for chocolate. The soup was great. I absolutely loved it. I'd do it again tomorrow.

I can't do ones where you have to measure. I got metric and imperial all mixed up. You know something is not right when you have to use bathroom scales to weigh out portion sizes.

I don't believe in all that to be honest. A wide range of quality food is all I need to maintain my weight. I ensure that throughout the week I eat from the five major food groups, Indian, Chinese, Pizza, Kebab and Chippies. Maybe that's why I'm twenty five stone?

The one with Green and Red days is fantastic. Green days you can go for it as much as you like. Red days you have to stop for two minutes first, then you go for it.

There is no such thing. As a trained and qualified professional in this field the only way to achieve your goals is through a sustained lifestyle change. Jumping on the latest fad simply won't work at all.
Neither will stuffing your fat gob with sausage rolls.

Weight Watchers was simply wonderful for shifting the pounds. A fiver every single week.

Atkins really shifts it for most people. The fantastic thing is that you can eat as much meat as you like. You could have a whole pig one day if you wished. Amazing. Of course the bloke who wrote it died of a heart attack.

There is one diet that is really underrated. You get all the major food groups and there is a whole variety so you don't get bored. Can be eaten hot or cold and you either cook yourself or get it delivered. Pizza is fabulous.

To be honest, the only one I've found is to wire up my fat trap.

Paying bills on minimum Wage is the best diet.

I liked the cabbage diet joke a lot but thought the rest a bit sub-par - particularly the Weight Watchers joke which has been done to death and back again.

I liked the five major food groups one Bigfella.

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