The Big Flood

Written for radio, but no reason why it doesn't fit anywhere else. All feedback welcome.

Ta

Dan

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THE BIG FLOOD
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F/X FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL

TERRY
Alright Noah. Why so glum?

NOAH
I've got like a month to find a male and female of every type of animal to put on this ark thingy.

TERRY
Oh yeah, your (THROWS AIR QUOTES) 'God talked to me' extravaganza!

NOAH
Yeah, well, I showed Jim, you know, from down the dirt track, through everything I've got so far cos I thought I was nearly there. And he took one look and said I didn't have a unicorn.

TERRY
You haven't got a unicorn?

NOAH
No. And I can't find one anywhere! I've had like a month to find everything--

TERRY
Before the (AIR QUOTES) 'big flood'.

NOAH
Yes, before the big flood -- and I've spent two weeks looking for a f**king unicorn.

TERRY
Tough break. Do you think he'll fail you if you don't have a unicorn?

NOAH
What?

TERRY
You'll fail. It's like a test, isn't it? "Build a big boat. Put two of each animal on it"

NOAH
Two! Shit! I need two unicorns!

TERRY
I've got to admit I'm impressed you've got everything bar the unicorns. Where did you get your hands on a couple of phoenixes?

NOAH
(PAUSE) A what-ixy?

TERRY
A phoenix. You know, that bird that rises from its ashes?

NOAH
Oh, for f**k's sake. Look, I've got to go. Idle hands and all that.

TERRY
Yeah, alright. See ya.

F/X: SPEEDY FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL FADE OUT. MORE LEISURELY FOOTSTEPS APPROACH.

TERRY
Alright Jim. That *was* funny mate!

JIM
I know. Give him a couple of days and we'll ask him about his Yeti.

END

That's the sweet stuff.

Nice. But you don't need the (AIR QUOTES) for radio.

Very very good - echo the air quotes. Well written, original idea.

Brilliant.

That was very funny, but would Moses swear?

Very good Dan.

Cheers people

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ May 11 2009, 11:19 AM BST

Nice. But you don't need the (AIR QUOTES) for radio.

View original

I bet that made you laugh more than any of the actual jokes, didn't it?

Dan

I was strangely drawn towards this thread by the title.

I liked it. It's funny.

Uncannily enough I have been working on a Noah's Ark sketch but I'm glad to say it is different enough for me not to worry too much. It's got an Ark. And Noah. And animals. I might post it when I finish it (at current rate of progress, June).

Nice work Dan.

Hi Dan

I really enjoyed this one. I could leave it at that but as you asked for feedback here are a couple of notes to consider/ ignore.

I genuinely loved the big air quotes thing - really made me laugh as I was picturing someone totally over gesticulating and taking the p!

I think this line is too long
NOAH
Yeah, well, I showed Jim, you know, from down the dirt track, through everything I've got so far cos I thought I was nearly there.

It could just be something like "I showed Jim from the Hag's Head what I've got so far and he said I'm missing a unicorn"

I'm not sure about extending the joke to be two unicorns but he could say eg he's had a lead on a Unicorn in Wessex and then they remind him he needs two.

It then reminded me of Blackadder winding up the guy who wrote the first dictionary. In a similar way (if that's not cheating) you could throw in a couple of made up animal names to throw him even more.

V good as it is though.

Jx

Cheers Jane, I'll edit at some point.

Thanks Badge. Funnily enough I have a big pile of Noah sketches waiting to be written. He's obviously comedy-gold

Dan

That was ace.

Cheers sooty

Dan