Sex Education

I haven't posted for a few days - I've been a bit of an indoor cat - but here goes with a variation on an old theme. Please let me know what you think.

Ta.

INT - HAPPY FAMILY KITCHEN - DAY

MOTHER washing up while DAUGHTER (11) is finishing off her tea at the kitchen table.

DAUGHTER
Mum, what's "the birds and the bees" mean?

MOTHER makes an involuntarily large splash in the washing bowl.

MOTHER
Er... I'm not sure this is the right time.

DAUGHTER
Everyone at school goes on about the birds and the bees but I ain't got a clue wot they mean. Please Mum?

MOTHER
Well, er... ok.

MOTHER takes off her marigolds and sits down.

MOTHER (CONT'D)
When two people love each other very much - like me and your father - um... well, er, The man has a penis, and, er...

DAUGHTER
Get on with it!

MOTHER
Yes. Quite. He does. Anyway, the man puts his penis in the woman's, er... thing, and -

DAUGHTER
(light bulb moment)
Oh! It's sex! We did that at school!

MOTHER
(relieved)
Yes, that's it! When people say "birds and bees", they mean "sex".

DAUGHTER
(proudly)
I did it with Mr Jackson.

MOTHER looks a little concerned. DAUGHTER interjects.

DAUGHTER
Don't worry Mum! I'll save my virginity!

MOTHER looks relieved.

DAUGHTER
We only had anal.

END

Straight to the point!

A suggested extra, 'Don't worry Mum, I'm a Ring-Wearing Jonas Brother fan, so I'm gonna save my virginity by only having Anal Sex from now on'.

Oh, Badge. I find that a little in bad taste!

Still, a nice idea, but could you find a market for this?

Only with CGI!

I'm being serious, Badge. Sketches about 11 year olds revealing they've had anal with a teacher have a very limited audience.

Well... don't be so serious then. I am not looking for a market with this sketch. It is just a bit of fun. If you or anyone else can advise on a suitable age - say, 12, 13, 14, 37 - at which the made-up girl's made-up anal sex becomes more acceptable, do let me know

if you're doing stuff just for fun, then that's fine. I have no problem with that. I was never made aware that this was just for fun though.

It's probably my fault. I always look at things and think "Could his get on TV? Or even NewsRevue?".

Sorry for not being clear, Ben. This isn't for News Revue or similar - I don't want to drag an 11 year old girl on stage saying such lines.

Oh, saving that for your imagination, eh?

You know people have been given warnings for less offensive posts! Behave.

I'm being a bit of an Indoor Cat myself tonight so I thought I'd go on critique.
I quite liked the sketch, and didn't find it particularly offensive.
having re read it though I have changed my tune.
I still like the sketch - but your type make me sick.

Ha! Ending was good. Overall, not too bad at all.

Cheers for the feedback, all.

Badge I did think that was wrong, very wrong. Pretty disgusting really.

You should have said:

'Mr Jackson shoved it up my balloon knot?'

Thanks Scotti - though that wouldn't fit the idea that the kids know everything there is to know about sex but adults talk in euphemisms.

And yes, it is very very wrong. Sorry.