It's been a while since I posted. Here's a few more:
I take my brother with me when I go shopping so that I don't have to carry anything, I just give it to him to carry. He's like a human trolley. I'm not cruel, I give him a pound for his help. He has to give it back when we've finished.
I drank a bottle of ketchup which was a bad idea in heinz-sight.
I have a dog called lottery. Tomorrow I'm going to teach him how to rollover.
I've had an idea for a children's book. It's about a chameleon called Cammy and he can't camouflage. All the other chameleons laughed at Cammy. But he couldn't see where it was coming from.
My mates asked who was the first person to kiss me and that my mum doesn't count. I said she does, she's a maths teacher.
How does a Yorkshire man keep his breath fresh. He buy gum.
