Doctor Who goes back in time.

For those of you who are not aficianodos of Doctor Who, or "Doctor Who Aficianados" as they prefer to be called - TARDIS is an anachronism that stands for Take a Ride Doctor It's scary.
Also unless you are a Doctor Who aficionado or a Whovian as they prefer to be called then you may not know that from the outside the TARDIS looks like an ordinary old Blue Police Box of normal size, however if you go inside the Tardis it usually means your career is on the slide or you are waiting for a nice presenting job

THE TARDIS MATERIALIZES !

DOCTOR WHO STEPS OUT OF THE TARDIS
HE IS FOLLOWED BY HIS HAMSTER FACED, BUT STRANGELY ATTRACTIVE ASSISTANT ROSE.

DOCTOR:
Right! First things first, we need to find out exactly whereabouts we are in Cardiff.

ROSE:
Or more importantly ... when we are.

DOCTOR:
Yeah alright Rose, I'm a time traveller, they get it.

ROSE:
Something bad's gonna happen, it always does, whenever we land anywhere.

AT THIS POINT A SPACESHIP APPEARS JUST OVER THE HOUSES AND BEGINS TO LAND.

ROSE:
Doctor! look!

DOCTOR:
What is it?

ROSE:
That spaceship, it's awful!

DOCTOR:
You're right. It's terrible !

ROSE:
It looks cut out, and it's flying kind of jerky.

DOCTOR:
You know what this means?

ROSE:
What?

DOCTOR:
We must have gone slightly back in time. To the late sixties, early seventies maybe. The special effects just weren't quite as good back then.

ROSE: It's not even scary.

WE HEAR A BOOMING SLIGHTLY SYNTHESISED VOICE FROM BEHIND:

VOICE:
Well well Doctor, we meet again for the first time.
I am the Bartharon of Lexus 12.

ROSE:
No you're not, you're just a bloke off EastEnders in tights with your face painted. And you've got a colander on your head.

BL12:
Silence her Doctor.

DOCTOR:
Listen Rose, just because something's cheap, it doesn't mean that it can't be scary, take Jodie Marsh for example.

ROSE:
What are we going to do Doctor?

DOCTOR:
Well I know what we can't do Rose, anything that looks impressive on screen, we'll need to think of something a bit more primitive.

ROSE:
Can't you use a big, blue swirly effect or something.

DOCTOR:
Rose! You are Brilliant. We may not have green screen, but we've still got blue screen. Doesn't look as good, but it gets the job done.

ROSE:
Will it work?

DOCTOR:
Where we are now, back then it will work. But It won't work in the future where we've come from in the past.

ROSE:
This is not going to be pretty.

DOCTOR:
I'm afraid not. Get ready to cover your ears & make a screamy face.

SUDDENLY WE SEE A LOW TECH BLUE SWIRLY FLASH WITH RAINBOW COLOURS AROUND TURNING THE BARTHARON OF LEXUS 12 INTO A NEGATIVE WITH A FINAL WHITE FLASH.

ROSE:
Is he dead ?

DOCTOR:
He's got smoke pouring out of parts of his chest, he should melt or dissapear shortly.

ROSE: Should we...?

DOCTOR: Not finish any of your sentences? It's probably best, gives me a chance to explain how we got out of yet another hopeless situation, by using something completely out of this world that played no part in the story up to now.

ROSE: (Big smile) I think you're amazing, do you know that ?

DOCTOR: (Bigger smile) And Rose Piper, you have a 'Special effect' on me.

ROSE: Was that the punchline ?

DOCTOR: If it doesn't work, we'll just go back in time & change it later.

PYAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
WOOOOOOOH WOOOOOOH - WOOOH WOOOH

JOIN US NEXT WEEK FOR DOCTOR WHO & THE ROBOTS OF WEST CARDIFF

Another good one Fred.

I seem to say this to everyone (I'm like the Louis Walsh of critique) but it needs cutting a bit I think. You've got a nice simple idea which doesn't need overstating eg:

"
ROSE: Should we...?

DOCTOR: Not finish any of your sentences? It's probably best, gives me a chance to explain how we got out of yet another hopeless situation, by using something completely out of this world that played no part in the story up to now.
"

I'd precede it with another interruption perhaps and then leave it at 'Not finish any of our sentences?' or possibly one short statement after it but the original seems too long.

or he says "not finish any of our..."

beat

she says "sentences?"

Dr: "exactly" etc

sorry I'm rewriting it now!

It's good though.

Jx

I enjoyed it! Very funny.
True, I practically only ever read sketches in critique that concern Doctor Who.
But I agree with Jane, everything can use a bit of tightening.

It's good one, perhaps a bit long. Ending was grand as well.

Perhaps a bit long.

Agree with the above Fred - get your chopper out!!!!

Like the Jodie Marsh line.

Thanks all.

I had actually cut it down quite a bit already.
but having read it again I can see that it's in need of further trimming.

Cheers for taking the time to read.

You missed your cue for "I get that all the time".

It's too long. etc.

Quote: Kenneth @ May 8 2009, 11:21 AM BST

You missed your cue for "I get that all the time".

It's too long. etc.

View original

I missed an open goal
Doh

I generally avoid commenting on stuff in Critique, but "HIS HAMSTER FACED, BUT STRANGELY ATTRACTIVE ASSISTANT ROSE" made me smile.

I liked this too, it's a really good idea, but also think it would be better if it was cut back to its essential funny core.

Tad long maybe, but...

'just because something's cheap, it doesn't mean that it can't be scary, take Jodie Marsh for example'

Enjoyed this a lot. Too long? Perhaps, but Fred has quite a distinct voice, the biggest laughs often coming when he detours a little from the central premise, which mean his sketches benefit from a little space to breathe.