A ticking off for Blears

A ticking off for Blears!

Gordon Brown is stood like a teacher in front of Hazel Blears.

Gordon: Why are you here do you think Blears?

Hazel: Because of the rude things that I wrote Mr Brown.

Gordon: That's right.

Hazel: Sorry Sir.

Gordon: It's not me you need to say sorry to Blears. I'm used this type of abuse. It's your friends you need to apologise to.

Hazel: Why sir?

Gordon: Poor Alan, Harriet and even old Neil, they all had to give up their holiday weekend to tell everyone how wonderful I am – didn't they!

Hazel: Sorry Sir – I bet it was awful for them.

Gordon: I bet it was! But I can't just be the only one to say it can I?

Hazel : No Sir.

Gordon flexes a cane.

Gordon: Right, as a punishment six of the best!

Hazel: Yes Sir.

Hazel bends over.

Gordon: No you stupid girl. Not you – me.

Gordon gives her the cane and bends over.

Gordon: Make them f**king hard ones Hazel!

Ends

That's a great sketch with Gordon as a headmaster but the ending seems a bit unorriginal.

Maybe if Gordon caned himself? or if he said "do it like Jaqui's porn film."

Or maybe a comment about them all being expelled in 18 months?

Conceptually, I think this is very good but, as Brown hasn't really been involved in anything like that, it kind of falls down for me personally. I can see it maybe working for NR though.

Might be worth keeping in the drawer for when Gordon is finally caught out somewhere or transferring it to people more associated with that sort of stuff (maybe Jacqui telling her husband off, and then we realise it's her that lead him to it in the first place or something)

Dan

Thanks for the advice guys.

I've made a little change - I'm still not completly happy with the final line.

A ticking off for Blears!

Gordon Brown is stood like a teacher in front of Hazel Blears.

Gordon: Why are you here do you think Blears?

Hazel: Because of the rude things that I wrote Mr Brown.

Gordon: That's right.

Hazel: Sorry Sir.

Gordon: It's not me you need to say sorry to Blears. I'm used this type of abuse. It's your friends you need to apologise to.

Hazel: Why sir?

Gordon: Poor Alan, Harriet and even old Neil, they all had to give up their holiday weekend to tell everyone how wonderful I am – didn't they!

Hazel: Sorry Sir – I bet it was awful for them.

Gordon: I bet it was! But I can't just be the only one to say it can I?

Hazel : No Sir.

Gordon flexes a cane.

Gordon: Right, as a punishment six of the best!

Hazel: Yes Sir.

Hazel bends over.

Gordon: No you stupid girl. Not you – me.

Gordon gives her the cane and bends over. Hazel hits Gordon.

Female Voice Out Of Stage Shot: Cut.

Jacqui Smith walks onto stage with Camcorder.

Jacqui: What was that Hazel?. My husband is paying you both good money for this! Hit the f**ker don't tickle him.

Yeah, that's better. Lose the 'What was that, Hazel?' bit and it's sound. I like the final line!

Dan

Thanks Dan