INT. DAY. ROOM.
A female sex therapist is meeting with a couple.
Sex therapist:
If I could just get some background info first, you've been married how long?
Man:
Twelve years.
Sex therapist:
Twelve, ok. And when would you have said your sex life began to go downhill?
Man:
It never went uphill, we've never had sex.
Sex therapist:
Not once?
Man:
Not ever. She's perpetually never in the mood.
Sex therapist:
Ok, let's try something. I'm going to turn my head and I want you to show your wife your penis.
Wife:
This is disgusting, I really don't want to do this.
Man:
Come on, when's the last time you actually saw it?
Man shows his penis to his wife as sex therapist's head is turned.
Wife: Aaargh!
Wife is now standing on top of chair.
Wife: (screaming)
Where is it? Where'd it go?
Sex therapist: (to woman)
It's fine, it's ok, I'll get you a glass of water. He's put it away now.
Man: (exasperated)
Houston, we have a problem.
Sex therapist: (to man)
Your wife is phallophobic. She's afraid of cock, I'm afraid.
Man:
I'm sorry, she's afraid of cock and you're afraid of?
Sex therapist:
I don't follow you.
Man:
You said you were afraid but you didn't say what you were afraid of, are you afraid of cock too?
Sex therapist:
I am not afraid of cock, I adore cock. (PAUSE) Ahem.
Women: (quivering)
Is .. is.. is there a cure?
Sex therapist:
It depends on how well you respond to treatment. We've some time left today, let's get the ball rolling. Sir?
Man:
Yes?
Sex therapist:
Hold your wife's hand and whisper 'willy' to her, keep repeating.
Man: (holding wife's hand)
Willy.. willy.. willy.. willy.. willy.. willy.. willy.. willy.
Sex therapist: (to woman)
Is willy ok for you?
Wife:
Yes, he's ok. (strokes husband's hand)
Sex therapist
Good, if he's ok for you, he's ok for me. Willy, broom cupboard, now!