Unfinished Sketch: Louis Theroux - The Early Years

Despite what I'm posting lately I do actually write some original characters!

However, as a fan of Louis I thought this could be fun, although it has probably been done before.

It's based on a 7yr old Louis in his parents' house in the 70's. Programme dates have been changed for my cheating convenience...

Mrs Tinner's ready.

LouisIn hushed tones into his tape recorder) I assumed it would be the usual meat and two veg dish as international cuisine had yet to make an impact on the Theroux household.

Mrs T:Are you talking to your imaginary friends again Lulu?

Louis: (Laughs nervously and cleans his glasses) So Mrs Theroux, is serving dinner at the same time each day one of the rituals passed down by previous generations? Or have you explored newer concepts?

Mrs T: Stop all that nonsense and call me mum or I'll tan your backside young man!

LouisTo recorder) Mrs T had threatened violence before, but it was hard to tell when it would escalate to actual beatings so I decided to play along.

(To his mum) Sorry Mum. Can I have an orange soda stream with dinner please?

Mr T: (shouts out from the other room) Whether you can or cannot is irrelevant son, the question is 'May you have a drink?' (to Mrs T) Get me a can while you're there love.

Louis: (to recorder) An uneventful dinner followed and I began to relax in the company of this mostly genial couple. Until it came to the TV choices for the evening. During my time here it soon became apparent that this was the most contentious part of the day.

(to his mum) May I watch Top of the Pops mum?

Mrs T: No. I'm watching Upstairs Downstairs. Such a lovely house.

Mr T:The Entertainers is on ITV in a minute. So unless either of your programmes have got a lot funnier in the last week we're watching that!

Mrs T:Leonard it's my turn – you've already watched Benny Hill this week.

Louisstarts to storm out - and shouts). I hate you both. (then quietly) How does that make you feel?

Doorbell rings

Mr T:Less of your lip and answer the door!

Louis answers door and looks up to see man in suit.

Man:Hello, we're making a new series called 7up and are looking for some children to film every 7 years until we're decommissioned. We'll ultimately destroy the lives of half of them by pointing out the futility of their choices, and smugly predicting what they'll be when they grow up. The other, more stupid half, will relish being on the telly, thus paving the way for a future filled with vacuous reality TV stars, who everyone will say they hate even though some of them must be watching. Are you interested?

Louis:No thanks – I don't want to know what I'll be when I grow up!

Shuts door in producer's face.

(to recorder) Note to self. Cut that last bit out as it's not in keeping with the rest of the day.

THE END

(ooh - bit of satire, only 30 years too late )

I'd like to see more scenes of Louis in day to day life. But if no-one agrees I'll just write them myself until he gets some kind of injunction out against me.

Exxxcellent.

Agree - another good one, Jane.

Good stuff and lot's of pleasant true to life dialogue.

Very good. you should do Micheal Moore the early years.

Or a Viz style sketch about a whole gang of them.
With Alan Whicker as a crusty old headmaster.

Must say Jane you have a very thorough, writerly style.

I really liked it - it's a great idea which I'm sure could be made for TV right now, but with some tweaks. Not sure the parents have the right voices yet, and also wonder if there is potential for you to use Louis' future subjects in a comical way (e.g. he wants to watch TOTP, but that weird man with the cigar presents it).

Jimmy Saville! Brilliant he interviewed him and implied he was a kiddy fiddler.

Plus he wouldn't just drink orange pop it would be Cresta or something.

Ahh, thanks for all the useful and encouraging comments. (I'm not sure how I'm missing out on the current critique backlash but I'll enjoy it while it lasts!)

I didn't think it would really work as a sketch - I was just messing about as usual, but maybe it could. Might be fun to add Jimmy S and Paul Daniels somehow as they were around at the time.

And Michael Moore eh? I'll have a think...

Jx

Cresta Sooty? We must have been poor - I could only aspire to Soda Stream at that age - I'm not even sure what Cresta is!

Cresta was fizzy pop for the people who couldn't afford the up-front costs of sodastream.

Thanks Badge - we just had R Whites as a treat occasionally in the 70's.

When I was young I thought Soda Stream was posh, people who built bars in their front rooms were sophisticated and corner sofas were to die for.

I'd like to think I have more taste now but I'm probably wrong. I still want a corner sofa!

We had onecal and we liked it.

I used to dream about being able to afford Quatro.

.
This is great stuff, Jane! Yet another clever & funny sketch.

Loved this line, "Louis: (starts to storm out - and shouts). I hate you both. (then quietly) How does that make you feel?"

Just one thing bothered me though (nit-picking!); this bit of dialogue from the '7up series producer':

Man: Hello, we're making a new series called 7up and are looking for some children to film every 7 years until we're decommissioned. We'll ultimately destroy the lives of half of them by pointing out the futility of their choices, and smugly predicting what they'll be when they grow up. The other, more stupid half, will relish being on the telly, thus paving the way for a future filled with vacuous reality TV stars, who everyone will say they hate even though some of them must be watching. Are you interested?

In reality, I don't think that the producer would say that. Yes, you and I (and many others) may think that he'll, 'ultimately destroy the lives of half of them' , etc, etc. But coming from him, I think would take from the comedy. Play it dead straight - make the man sincere, then, when Louis slams the door in his face saying, "No thanks – I don't want to know what I'll be when I grow up!" - he'll be totally gobsmacked and it'll get a bigger laugh I'm sure. So, how about this:

________________________________________________________________________________

Man:
Hello, young man. We're making a new series called 7up and we're looking for some talented youngsters to film every seven years as they grow up. I'm sure you'd like to be on the television, wouldn't you? Not only will you have fifteen minutes of fame - you'll have a whole hour of fame - every seven years! You'll be watched by millions of people and be the envy of all your friends! You may even want to make a career out of it! Are you interested?

Louis:
No thanks – I don't want to know what I'll be when I grow up!

Louis slams door in producer's face.

________________________________________________________________________________

.

Thanks Morrace - you make a good point as always!

I'll have a go at re-writing that last bit. I've already cockny-fied Banksy as suggested.

Jane P doesn't do quickies, but if she did, they'd probably be the best quickie's in the world .

Brilliant sketch Jane. I particularly like the ending.