A MAN (TOM) IS IN A SHOP COMPLAINING TO ANOTHER MAN (TIM)
TIM
Welcome to Smells of Dreams and Spirits aromatherapy clinic. What can I offer you sir?
TOM
I'd like to make a complaint my good man. This essence of Sandalwood you sold me smells of foot sweat and crotch rot.
TIM
And so it should sir.
TOM
I beg your pardon I thought sandal wood was a lovely aromatic plant.
TIM
It is sir. But are Sandalwood is made from the sweat of the penis of my friend Trevor who likes to make it errect, by rolling it around in the sandals of fat women.
TOM
That's disgusting! Where does he even find the sandals?
TIM
I believe he stills them from swimming pools. But as you can see sir it is indeed Sandal Wood, if you don't like it take it up with Watch Dog.
TOM
But what about this essence of citrus? It just smells of bottoms!
TIM
Of course it does sir. That's from my Great Dane Russ, I ask him to sit on a petri dish.
TOM
So it's essence of Sit Rus.
TIM
If you don't like it you can take it up with the European Court of Human Rights.
TOM
Oh piss off you stinky loony. Oh well this one at least looks honest Black man's Willy. I suppose Trevor stuck his black willy in a big bowl of neutral oil?
TOM
Black man's willy is better known as Rhodichoton is a flower native to the English Isles with a distinctive aroma...you racist.
COLIN COMES OUT FROM THE BACK OF THE SHOP.
HIS WILLY IS INDEED IN WHAT WOULD APPEAR TO BE A BOWL OF NEUTRAL OIL.
COLIN
You people make me sick.