INT. DAY. CAR.
TWO BIMBOS ARE TRAVELLING IN A CAR.
DRIVER:
I'm halfway through Jordan's book.
PASSENGER:
Are you? I never read books, apart from Ok magazine.
DRIVER:
I can't believe I've only had two sunbeds this week. I'll lose my tan.
PASSENGER:
I know. Oops, I think we went past our turn off again.
DRIVER:
Oh, so we have. Can you get pregnant if a man sticks it up your bum?
THE CAR SMASHES INTO THE BACK OF ANOTHER CAR.
AT MOMENT OF IMPACT AIRBAGS COME OUT OF BOTH OF THE WOMENS' EARS.
If I say I love yours, can you say you love mine Nige?
Brown nosing will do you no good. Nigel, the conversation didn't work between the two characters. Have another look to see what's missing.
Quote: LIME5000 @ May 2 2009, 10:35 PM BSTNigel, the conversation didn't work between the two characters. Have another look to see what's missing.
That's a fair point Lime5000, thanks.
Hi,
It's a good idea, I think a funnier ending might be...
THE CAR SMASHES INTO THE BACK OF ANOTHER CAR.
CUT TO: EXT FRONT OF CAR.
TWO ENORMOUS AIR BAGS BURST THROUGH THE FRONT WINDSCREEN AND LAND ON THE BONNET FORMING HUGE BREASTS COMPLETE WITH NIPPLES.
ENDS
Just a thought.
John
Purple Comedy
http://standupcomedy.podomatic.com/
It's a nice sketch but the dialogue could be a leedle beet more stacato.
I think if each one is saying a sentence could work neater.
Are you saying they're airheads? Is that the gag?
I have trouble visualising this somehow. The impact would be so quick I don't know that we'd have time to digest the punch properly. I do like John's suggestion though.
As for the conversation, I think if it was done as pantomime it would work. They really are vacuous after all, so why would they be listening to what the other was saying?
I had forgot about this actually, but yeah, airheads was the gag. John's suggestion works better.
Maybe if we pulled back to reveal they were sitting on guys laps who were using them as airbags?