Quote: Nil Putters @ April 30 2009, 9:07 PM BSTIt's really not.
Ha! 
Hen Party Page 2
Quote: Nil Putters @ April 30 2009, 9:07 PM BSTIt's really not.
M'kaaay...
'Right children..'
Good sketch but you should end it with 'your fiance is dead', lose the policeman's last lines of dialogue as its not funny and not needed.
Quote: Mike Dan-Carter @ April 30 2009, 9:13 PM BSTGood sketch but you should end it with 'your fiance is dead', lose the policeman's last lines of dialogue as its not funny and not needed.
Thanks Mike. I would like to point out that, that was your 500th post on BSG, and im honoured it was on my thread.
Thanks. Seriously good sketch, just not sure about the last line.
Not for me I'm afraid. I pretty much knew what was coming from the start. I seem to recall a similar sketch on The Sketch Show with Tim Vine. Two police officers come to the door with musical instruments and the bloke who answers thinks his wife has set it up for his birthday, then the song is about how his wife died and they need him to come to the station.
Quote: Chris Forshaw @ April 30 2009, 9:26 PM BSTNot for me I'm afraid. I pretty much knew what was coming from the start. I seem to recall a similar sketch on The Sketch Show with Tim Vine. Two police officers come to the door with musical instruments and the bloke who answers thinks his wife has set it up for his birthday, then the song is about how his wife died and they need him to come to the station.
Chris? you DONT love it? C'mon,that's good shit? hey...hey?
I probably would have liked it if I wasn't thinking "This police man will have some bad news" right from the start. Blame my brain for ruining it for me 
Quote: Chris Forshaw @ April 30 2009, 9:32 PM BSTI probably would have liked it if I wasn't thinking "This police man will have some bad news" right from the start. Blame my brain for ruining it for me
Well your obviously to clever, as you saw it coming. Which I guess is good. Thanks for feedback Chris.
Quote: Scottidog @ April 30 2009, 9:09 PM BSTI don't want any laughter. Just tears. You know like those annoying people when they laugh they make no sound what so ever? as for 'superfluff' is that the name of your dog?
no, it's called Poodle
Another alternative
INT. Lounge. Night.
A Group of girls are having a Hen Party. They are dancing to music and drinking in the lounge, it's late at night. All of them are in high spirits and are worse for wear.
Loud music is coming from the house. All of the girls are laughing and giggling. There is a loud knock on the door.
The bride to be opens the door. A man dressed as a Policeman is standing there.
BRIDE: Wooooooooooo, ahhhhhhhh, oh my God!
A group of girls gather behind her, they all scream in excitement. They pull him in by his shirt, and drag him into lounge.
BRIDE: Ahhhh...who ordered him! Who set this up?
Music is still loud.
GIRL1: Ahhh dunno hahaha!
GIRL2!: Get your kit off! off! off! off!
Policeman looks a little awkward and shy then smiles a big cheesy smile.
BRIDE: Off! off! off!
All the girls laugh.
GIRLS: STRIP! Strip! strip!
THE GIRLS START TO STRIP THE SHIRT FROM THE POLICEMAN. HE SUDDENLY STEPS BACK THEN KICK STARTS A LITTLE DANCE ROUTINE, HE CONTINUES TO STRIP ALL THE WAY DOWN TO HIS UNDERWEAR. THE GIRLS ALL GATHER EVEN CLOSER ROUND HIM SCREAMING AND LAUGHING.
GIRLS: Off! off! off! off! off! off!
FADE TO
INT. Lounge. Night.
IT'S ALL CALMED DOWN; THE GIRLS ARE STOOD AROUND STILL EYEING UP THE POLICEMAN WHO IS NOW PULLING UP HIS UNDERWEAR. HE GATHERS THE REST OF HIS CLOTHES OFF THE FLOOR AND HEADS FOR THE DOOR. WE SEE THE BRIDE WIPE HER MOUTH. SHE SMILES SLIGHTLY EMBARRASSED AT THE POLICEMAN, HE RETURNS A CHEEKY WINK.
All the girls shout and wave goodbye.
BRIDE: (TO POLICEMAN) Sorry about the... just got carried away.
POLICEMAN: No problem, it happens.
BRIDE: It's just if my fiancé finds out, y' know.
POLICEMAN: (CLICKS FINGERS) Your fiancé, that's the reason I called... he's dead, fatal RTA. (SHRUGS SHOULDERS) Thanks for the... Cheers girls.
BRIDE LEFT SHOCKED.
Quote: Scottidog @ April 30 2009, 8:32 PM BST'David Brent' esk?
I can see what Scottidog means re. the ending. How about switching it about?
I've also put in an alternative punchline that can be easily cut with no harm done.
________________________________________________________________________________
POLICEMAN LOSES HIS TEMPER AND SHOUTS AT THE TOP OF HIS VOICE.
POLICEMAN: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
MUSIC GOES DEAD. GIRLS LOOK ON IN SHOCK.
POLICEMAN: Now look, girls... I tried to, tried to say..but..y'know..(POINTS HIS HAT TOWARD GIRLS)
BRIDE: Tried to say what?
POLICEMAN: Your fiance's dead...
STUNNED SILENCE.
POLICEMAN LOOKS AWKWARD AND SHY.
POLICEMAN: But don't let it spoil your party.
________________________________________________________________________________
Quote: random @ May 6 2009, 12:34 PM BSTAnother alternative
INT. Lounge. Night.
A Group of girls are having a Hen Party. They are dancing to music and drinking in the lounge, it's late at night. All of them are in high spirits and are worse for wear.
Loud music is coming from the house. All of the girls are laughing and giggling. There is a loud knock on the door.
The bride to be opens the door. A man dressed as a Policeman is standing there.
BRIDE: Wooooooooooo, ahhhhhhhh, oh my God!
A group of girls gather behind her, they all scream in excitement. They pull him in by his shirt, and drag him into lounge.
BRIDE: Ahhhh...who ordered him! Who set this up?
Music is still loud.
GIRL1: Ahhh dunno hahaha!
GIRL2!: Get your kit off! off! off! off!
Policeman looks a little awkward and shy then smiles a big cheesy smile.
BRIDE: Off! off! off!
All the girls laugh.
GIRLS: STRIP! Strip! strip!
THE GIRLS START TO STRIP THE SHIRT FROM THE POLICEMAN. HE SUDDENLY STEPS BACK THEN KICK STARTS A LITTLE DANCE ROUTINE, HE CONTINUES TO STRIP ALL THE WAY DOWN TO HIS UNDERWEAR. THE GIRLS ALL GATHER EVEN CLOSER ROUND HIM SCREAMING AND LAUGHING.
GIRLS: Off! off! off! off! off! off!
FADE TO
INT. Lounge. Night.
IT'S ALL CALMED DOWN; THE GIRLS ARE STOOD AROUND STILL EYEING UP THE POLICEMAN WHO IS NOW PULLING UP HIS UNDERWEAR. HE GATHERS THE REST OF HIS CLOTHES OFF THE FLOOR AND HEADS FOR THE DOOR. WE SEE THE BRIDE WIPE HER MOUTH. SHE SMILES SLIGHTLY EMBARRASSED AT THE POLICEMAN, HE RETURNS A CHEEKY WINK.
All the girls shout and wave goodbye.
BRIDE: (TO POLICEMAN) Sorry about the... just got carried away.
POLICEMAN: No problem, it happens.
BRIDE: It's just if my fiancé finds out, y' know.
POLICEMAN: (CLICKS FINGERS) Your fiancé, that's the reason I called... he's dead, fatal RTA. (SHRUGS SHOULDERS) Thanks for the... Cheers girls.
BRIDE LEFT SHOCKED.
Jules yours is alt better than mine! Nice.
Quote: Scottidog @ May 6 2009, 8:12 PM BSTJules yours is alt better than mine! Nice.
Thx