At Home With Banksy

I thought as I keep posting my two penneth on other people's ideas I should put one of mine up!

As much as I like Banksy I'd love to see someone totally 'twee' up his pad in retaliation.

I'm not sure this works at all though and I'm still v new to sketches - so any comments welcome.

Apologies for the formatting which goes to pot on here.

At home with Banksy

Two men are chatting over the garden fence. Banksy is painting his fence.
George shouts to someone unseen.

George:Be there in a minute love, just having a chat with Banksy. Nice job you're doing there mate.

Banksy:Thanks, but I've told you before George, it's Roy when I'm off duty.

Georgeoh touchy! Are those hoodies still winding you up?

Banksy:They are indeed. If I paint somewhere new these days, the site is
demolished and up on Ebay before I get home! It's costing me a fortune in lawsuits.

George:It's not your fault is it? You're just harmlessly defacing property that doesn't belong to you in a way that appeals to a small minority of people.

Banksy:Exactly. What's wrong with that?

George:Nothing – What's a small matter of vandalism, inciting theft, and encouraging unsavoury youths into a suburban area like this, between friends.

Banksyteady on mate.

George:And it's not like you're a hyprocrite is it?

Banksy:Eh?

George:I mean you wouldn't mind if they painted a flowery sign saying "Dunroamin" over your front door with a matching pair of garden gnomes either side of it, would you?

Banksyh. (beat) I never thought about it like that. You know what? I'm going to give up my guerrilla painting methods and rethink my whole artistic future right now.

George:That's good Roy, but before you do, the Jones' kids over the back are giving us grief again. It's non-stop band rehearsals in their garage lately. My Beryl's not getting a wink of sleep.

Banksy:You want me to paint some shadowy hookers, juxtaposed with a multi-national drinks company over their garage doors George? The whole thing will be dismantled by morning if I post it up on twitter.

George:That would be great, and I think the aqua marine you're using there would be perfect for the job.

Banksymock resigned) OK, I get the hint, I'll do it now – but if anyone asks I was round yours watching The One Show alright?

Georgeure, sure. (shouts after Banksy has left) Beryl love, fetch the screwdriver, he's finally painted this panel. It'll go lovely over our fireplace next to the Constable.

The End.

I like it! Nothing constructive to add so I'll leave it there.

That is actually very good. The idea works, and the dialogue has plenty of character but without too much fat on it.

(One slight tweak I would suggest would be to change this line "The whole thing will be dismantled by morning if I post it up on twitter." to "If I post it up on twitter the whole thing will be dismantled by morning", just so the stress falls at the right point in the line; but that is being very fussy.)

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Great idea Jane. The dialogue needs a bit of a trim. Before I go any further; on TV once (I think Banksy got an award) anyway, the host spoke to him via telephone. He's got a Cockney accent. I remember he mentioned 'the old bill' at one point.
Anyway, an example where you could trim is:

BANKSY:
Thanks, but I've told you before George, it's Roy when I'm off duty.
To:
BANKSY:
Cheers, mate, (WHISPERS) it's Roy when I'm off duty.

A funny original sketch!

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Very good, Jane. I see this filmed like an episode of The Good Life, complete with a musical intro. "He's Banksy! Banksy! La la la etc" Maybe you write a ditty to set it up.

I like it Jane.

George: It's not your fault is it? You're just harmlessly defacing property that doesn't belong to you in a way that appeals to a small minority of people.

lolled at that part.

Nice twist at the end, very funny.

I like it but I've told you that before.

My main gripe was not knowing who Banksy was! I think I can spot the major chink in my topical armour...

Dan

phew, that went better than expected, thanks for those comments.

Tim, you're right to point that out, re the stress of a sentence. It's only something I've been told about recently and one of about 20 rules I'm trying to keep in my head at the same time!

Morrace, as few people know who Banksy is I don't have to be true to his physcial appearance, but sounding cockney would add a touch of realism thank you!

David, that would be cool to start with the Terry and June theme tune wouldn't it? Nice one. I might write some lyrics for fun.

Dan, you need to get up to London more, you can't move for artists and famous types here! Or are you bluffing and really you are he?

Jx

Quote: Jane P @ April 30 2009, 12:48 PM BST

Or are you bluffing and really you are he?

View original

Liked this a lot, Jane.

Yes this is well written & the dialogue flows very nicely.
Some funny lines & a good idea behind it - you can't ask for much more than that