Quote: Dolly Dagger @ April 28 2009, 10:06 AM BSTI wouldn't have said that though. The room would have gone silent.
Yeah. Right!
Comedy virgin seeks stand up advice Page 2
And even the meanest audience can be warmed up by niceness. Also a nasty joke from a nice person is funnier than a nasty joke from a nasty person.
I am forty one and a comedy virgin. Which means in all those years I have never laughed at the size of a man's penis.
nice one MarcP!
sorry to sound thick but what do you mean by callbacks?
It's like a running gag that you refer back to and sometimes end your set with a final funny reference to.
Well thanks for having me... I guess I'm not a comedy virgin anymore. And I would just like to say how pleased I am that you all were very gentle with me. I can go home now and tell my husband I've just been gang banged by a bunch of strangers in Croydon and it didn't hurt a bit.
(For a tasteful example) 
Cool name, Kate. You're off to a good start there.
Marc practising scripting an episode of Porno Doctors...
Hi Huge Bear,
my maiden name was actually Katie Price (aka Jordan)and I considered using that instead.!
bit of a letdown for the fellas if they announced that, then I walked on!
There's some good advice here:
http://www.manchestercomedyforum.co.uk/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=8255
Particularly this from Gary Delaney:
Classic first gigs mistakes:
Talking too fast.
Getting pissed.
Not staying in the light.
Nerves: nerves are good. Embrace them. It can feel unpleasant before going on stage, don't sweat it. It's kinda like you're in a chrysalis, changing from normal you into onstage you. There's no high afterwards without them anyway.
Stand up straight on stage.
Watch the pros.
Start and end with great gags.
At a gong type affair start with a bang.
BTF audience seem like kittens, they'll give you time.
At a more brutal gong night, or any big room really, start off with a big bang. When I did London Store Gong in '02 acts were often off stage within 10 words.
Surround yourself with good comedy. CD's books, live, DVD's whatever. A good comic is a comic 24 hours a day.
It's often easier to perform to strangers rather than friends. Think carefully about packing the room with your mates. But at the end of the day, whatever works for you.
Believe in what you say. If you don't show that you think it's funny they won't believe it is either. Comedy is nothing without belief. It's all a con trick. Many 'great' acts have no jokes to speak of (Hicks, Pryor, Carlin, Rock etc. ). The audience don't seem too notice or mind.
Watch the whole show. Learn from how others dealt with the same audience.
Aim to write every day, gig every night. (yes I always say that, but it's such good advice)
Don't over-run.
Never, ever , ever , ever apologise. Don't show weakness. Don't say you're not really a comedian, have a day job, aren't sure about this one etc. They want to believe you are the man. Let them. On stage you are the alpha male.
(Easy advice to give. Hard to follow)
If it's the sort of club where the audience dress up then wear a shirt, unless not doing so is really part of your schtick.
Important one this: DON'T CHURN YOUR MATERIAL TOO MUCH.
A lot of new acts do a gig, it doesn't work as they'd like, they ditch everything and do a new set next time and so on. Don't do it. Always review and grade your material (from tape if you can), keep the best stuf, replace the weakest with the best of your new material. I would say for a new act if you're changeing more than 10% of your material between gigs you're probably shooting yourself in the foot. As you go on that ratio drops. After a few years 1% is good.
Re: sick material. Be careful, especially if you're new.
Sick stuff can be ace, but handle carefully. For a skillfully written funny joke the sickness gives it an extra edge, makes it funnier, injects energy into the room. If it isn't up to scratch all these factors go into reverse and you alienate them. That's why you see so many rubbish new acts try and be shocking and fail at it so badly. 'I fück kids' - do you? great! well done you. For most people sick stuff is best left till the second half of yours set by when they hopefully like you and have belief. Early on you may lack the skill to get over sick stuff. Ease into it. A bit at a time etc.
Of course if your entire schtick is sickness then you have to just go for it.
If you even dip your toe into these waters then watch Jim Jeffries first, and listen to Dough Stanhope. Even more so than normal stuff sick stuff requires belief. If you say it hoping they'll like it, they won't. My first four years I did mildy dodgy stuff and they often rebelled on it. Why? I was too weak with it. If you're going to do it , do it. With attitude and belief. If they get arsey? plough on. Up the stakes. You lose some of the room? So what? the rest can more than make up for it. You die the odd spectular death? so what?
'Do, or do not, there is no try'. - Yoda.
(can you tell from the above bit that Rob pm'ed me some gags that were a bit dark?)
When you die (it will happen), don't take it personally.
What's the worst that can happen. Feel a bit of an idiot? someone tells you you're shït? who really cares?
I lost count fo the amount of people who told me early on that I should give up, never go on stage again etc. Now I make a good living, so fück them all.
When it doesn't work, or indeed after every gig really, review how it went. What didn't work? what you should have done differently? if you weren't the best on the bill what can you learn from that?
If it's not working, stick to your guns. The crowd may come round. It takes effort to dis-like someone. After three minutes a lot of crowds that don't like initially can clue into what you are doing. Don't bottle it or try plan B before this point has passed.
Every word you say on stage has a job to do. If it doesn't, cut it. If two can be replaced by one, grand. Edit, edit, edit.
'Experiment in good rooms, edit in tough ones. You need both to grow' -Jerry Seinfeld
On a tough night you are so grateful for all your bankers. The killer gags that always work, that usually get a round of applause. These are your islands in the stream. Collect as many as you can. The feeling you have on stage on a hard night where your desperately looking for your next big laugh to hold them? that's why you need to write more. Love your bankers. When you try new material, if it doesn't get a round of applause do you really want it?
Have regular punchlines. As a rule never go more than 15 seconds without a big laugh. The longer the lead up to the gag the better the pay off should be. If you're going to make them wait a minute or heaven forbid even two for the pay-off it had better be fücking great.
Sometimes it's not working as it should. Assuming you're not in your first few minutes you might want to try and banter to re-engage their attention. Go into the audience, chat be funny, make a connection, return to your stuff. Repeat as necessary. Maybe not for the newbie. In fact it's really hard full stop.
Hecklers can do the above job for you of course. Succesfully dealing with a heckle can energise a set when you would otherwise be losing them. Dont' be afraid of heckles. When heckled:
1) Consider whether you need to respond. If it's a big room, and a quiet heckle you may just want to ingore it and go over it. You don't have to stamp on everyone. But if enough people heard it, and it is a challenge to your authority then have 'em.
2) In a big room repeat the heckle before replying. Many of the audience won't have heard it. If you don't repeat it first they won't know why you are saying what you are saying. It also gives you time to think of a clever response.
(easy advice to give, hard to follow, someone heckles, you think of something really clever, you blurt it out all pleased with yourself,90% of the audience don't get it because they didn't hear what your are responding to. damn)
3) Ideally respond with something 'in the moment' it doesn't have to be great, they wil love the spontaneity and alphaness of it. If nothing occurs to you have reach for one of your pre-written heckle put downs.
4) Standard put-downs. At some point or another we all use these when our back is to the wall, but if this is more than once or twice a year then you are a lazy hack. Try harder.
Joke rules:
1) Look for the 'reveal' - the key word that springs the trap of the joke's mis-direction. Put it at the end of the sentence. 90% of the time this increases the word's power and hence the jokes surprise and laughter. Occassionally it sounds too contrived to have it at the end but always try it there first.
2) Jokes have internal rhythms that help them work. You have to play about with this and get a feel for it. Try it different ways and see what sounds right, what is comfortable to say.
I often insert a bridge into the middle of a line to help the rhythm.
Set-upy, set-upy,set-upy.
Seemingly unnecessary bridge.
Punchey, punchey, punch.
Two popular ones (often used to disguise a weak punchline) are:
Build, build, build, build, build, build. Drop!
Quiety, quiety, quiety, quiety, quiety, Slam!
3) Write the way you speak.
4) If you've got two versions of a joke and one suggests a visual image, use that one.
5) cliches aid misdirection, we're used to thinking about them in certain ways.
6) If you can't write jokes, buy them off someone who can, failing that buy a guitar.
This started off as a newbie guide, and ended up as everything I know about comedy, with added prejudices.
One final thing then. All the advice you are given is people telling you what was right for them. It doesn't mean it is what is right for you. Choose wisely and follow your own path. Good luck. Don't forget to enjoy it, it's the best buzz in the world. Thanks for the chips.
thanks James, I will take a look.
Quote: Kate Lane @ April 28 2009, 11:40 AM BSTHi Huge Bear,
my maiden name was actually Katie Price (aka Jordan)and I considered using that instead.!bit of a letdown for the fellas if they announced that, then I walked on!
no comment 
I used to know a very fat Joan Collins
Btw Kate, is it the Funny Women comp you're doing?
Yes it is Dolly! Have you had a go yourself?
thanks James, there is tons of advice on your link!
Quote: Huge Bear @ April 28 2009, 11:24 AM BSTMarc practising scripting an episode of Porno Doctors...
It's set in Letherbridge for a reason!
Quote: Marc P @ April 28 2009, 10:02 AM BSTStroll on stage and say... 'I am a comedy virgin.
I have the same effect without a stage. I ask someone to sleep with me, they laugh.
Moved to WD as this thread isn't so much an opportunity.