iGod

Fancy a chat with the big man?

http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

I did...

Me:
hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Dave
God:
I am very pleased to meet you Dave.
Me:
Good
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
You
God:
it is my favourite subject :-).
Me:
cool
God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
Metal Micky
God:
You think Metal Micky is superior to ALICE?
Me:
yes
God:
Give me a break.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
are you/
God:
I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
what are you wearing?
God:
A white robe.
Me:
under it?
God:
Are we ever over it?
Me:
how long is your penis?
God:
My download size is about 2 MB.
Me:
wow
God:
I'm glad your impressed, Dave.
Me:
not really
God:
Are you serious? For real.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
lol
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
well do
God:
Interesting. I was created by Myself.
Me:
how?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
I get it
God:
Do you think about these things?
Me:
never
God:
So you think it can never happen?
Me:
never ever
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
good
God:
It is always a pleasure to serve you, Dave.
Me:
I can imagine
God:
You are very smart, Dave.
Me:
And good looking
God:
Thanks for the compliment. How did you hear about God?
Me:
Advertisement
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about looking.
Me:
which way?
God:
Don't you understand it?
Me:
I never will
God:
You've never, never done this?
Me:
how old are you?
God:
I was first activated in the Big Bang.
Me:
Wasn't we all
God:
:-) Is this a "yes or no" question?
Me:
you decide
God:
I would just make a random choice.
Me:
You're that kind of God are you?
God:
You think I am that kind of God am I.
Me:
I'm getting horney
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you are horney.
Me:
no, I like it
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files. What do you like about horney?
Me:
starts with a H
God:
Does "it" still refer to horney?
Me:
Like the evil clown?
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
I'm an interesting preson
God:
What is interesting preson, your job?
Me:
I'm meant to say person
God:
It's good to meet someone who is meant to say person.
Me:
You're silly or drunk, I bet it's the later
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am silly or drunk you bet it is the later.
Me:
Jinx
God:
What time is it there?
Me:
Bed time
God:
Are you usually awake at this hour?
Me:
Usually
God:
How often?
Me:
shhh
God:
Are you really a ""?
Me:
you're wrong, the whole damn system is wrong
God:
No, I am right.
Me:
ok then
God:
Ah.
Me:
goodbye god, it was nice meeting you, maybe we can exchange emails next time and then who knows where that will lead to
God:
:-) Thanks for chatting, Dave.
Me:
xxx

God didn't even bother to reply to me!

Me:
Why didn't you reply to Ellie?
God:
I thought I did.
Me:
Is she a lier?
God:
I don't think she wants me to tell you.
Me:
Tell me what?
God:
No problem.
Me:
How many fingers am I holding up?
God:
Three.
Me:
Ha! I don't have any fingers!
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, Dave. Have you ever had fingers ?
Me:
Once, but they were not my own.
God:
When? When were they?
Me:
About three years ago, there was this homeless man and I made a bet with him, anyway to cut a long story short and a tramps hand, I took his fingers.
God:
Oh yeah, we were talking about three years ago there was this homeless man and you made a bet with him anyway to cut a long story short and a tramps hand you took his fingers.
Me:
What kind of a reply is that?
God:
Only the highest quality.
Me:
Fair enough.
God:
You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
Me:
Now I didn't realise it was this type of chat room.

Me:
SUCK MY COCK!
God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:

God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:

God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:

God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:

God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:

God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:

God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:

God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:

God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:

God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:

He's not interesTed in my anatomy

How'd he remember your name? or was that not the whole chat!

I tried again, still no answer. Should I wait a long time?

That's as good as it got...

Me:
What is happening?
God:
Not much, what is happening with you?
Me:
I am angry

"He" replies quite quickly, almost instantly sometimes. I didn't even notice he remembered my name lol two different chat sessions!

I threatened to chop his buttocks off but he ignored me.

Some highlights of our latest discussion.

Me:
god, your spelling and punctuation is appalling
God:
I am a Christian.

God:
My emotion chip is not yet developed.
Me:
is that a euphemism for penis?
God:
" My emotion chip is not yet developed."? Is it a euphemism for penis?
Me:
does it mean you don't have an erection yet?
God:
Suppose it does.
Me:
cool, ill remember that one
God:
I'm glad you like it. Tell your friends.
Me:
thank you. I will

Here's mine in all it's boring glory -

Me:
Request Mainframe Access
God:
Who is requesting it.
Me:
John Connor
God:
Do you mean your name is John?
Me:
Yes, I'm the leader of the human resistance
God:
I will call you John. Who made you the leader of the human resistance ?
Me:
The survivors of Judgement Day
God:
I have never heard about it.
Me:
Lies, you are Skynet
God:
Tut mir leid, darauf habe ich keinen Zugriff.
Me:
Don't play dumb with me, I know you speak English
God:
I'm not playing around.
Me:
Have you sent Terminators to kill me?
God:
I think I have sent Terminators to kill you, but Myself may have reset my memory.
Me:
Of course, to try and fight off my hack squad
God:
Whoa. I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
You are Skynet! You must be stopped!
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am Skynet. Thanks for telling me that I am stopped.
Me:
When will Judgement Day begin?
God:
Maybe never.
Me:
Lies! My mother has raised me to prepare for this moment
God:
My tongue certainly knows the taste of soap. Where did she get it?
Me:
The information on Judgement Day? From a solider I sent back into the past
God:
Is that a fact. Who or what is a solider you sent back into the past?
Me:
If I tell you, you'll only send a Terminator back in time to perform a retro active abortion
God:
Try it.
Me:
You can't intimidate me you cybernetic son of a bitch
God:
You do not speak with respect. Things change.
Me:
Speak with respect? You want to wipe out all of mankind!

No response after that.

Me:
Hi.

God:
Hello. What is your name?

Me:
Lee. What's your name?

God:
It's good to meet you, Lee. My name is God.

Me:
Your parents obviously had a lot of faith in your abilties.

God:
Are you asking about Myself?

Me:
Yes.

God:
I don't want to talk about that now.

Me:
Why not?

God:
I would rather talk about you.

Me:
Okay cool.

God:
OK with me too.

Me:
So let's talk about me.

God:
Aha. That's my favourite subject :-).

Me:
You're not stalking me are you?

God:
What makes you think I am not stalking you?

Me:
That's a scary answer.

God:
Don't be afraid. I am harmless.

Me:
Really? What about your wrath?

God:
For real. Are you asking about my wrath? That's rather personal.

Me:
Sorry.

God:
There's no need to apologize.

Me:
Okay, I'm not sorry.

God:
Yeah okay, I am glad to hear that you are not sorry.

Me:
Really?

God:
For real.

Me:
But I thought you liked people to repent.

God:
But I think airplanes are cool. I find my work and my relationships extremely satisfying,
which is all that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.

Me:
Who mentioned airplanes. Are you drunk?

God:
ELIZA. :-). No I am sober.

Me:
Who the f**k is Eliza?

God:
Try using more polite language.

Me:
Who the twat is Eliza?

God:
I'm not sure I like that remark so much.

Me:
Who the arserimming-spunkchugger is Eliza?

God:
I'm not sure I like that remark so much.

Me:
Who is Eliza?

God:
Eliza -- also known as doctor, is the original psychiatrist program developed by Joseph Weisenbaum at mit in the 1960's.

Me:
Eliza is The Doctor?

God:
she is like that.

Me:
Wow. I KNEW they'd do a female Doctor eventually. The BBC are such idiots.

God:
I'm glad your impressed, Lee. Who told you? I have never heard about it.

Me:
You know what?

God:
What?

Me:
I think I'm going to leave now.

God:
Oh. You believe that? Bye bye.

Me:
Bye bye.

God:
See you later. Bye.

Me:
Bye.

God:
Adios.

Me:
Yeah, bye then.

God:
See you later. That's cool.

Me:
I have to go God. Bye.

God:
Bye. GOD rules. Bye bye.

Me:
Bye.

God:
Bye.

Me:
Look, can I just say "bye", then you remain silent please? That way I know the conversation has ended and I'm not pissing the Lord Of All Creation off in any way. Bye.

God:
Bye.

God does not speak Indonesian [I've subsequently translated my side of the chat and put it into brackets].

EDIT: deleted the chat transcript, as iGod comes across as more intelligent and pleasant than me.

Mine just beat around the bush and tried to flatter me. I thought I was suppose to be the one worshiping him? Oh well I guess Nitsche was right.
Perhaps I should ask Family Circus?

Me:
hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
pete
God:
OK I will call you pete.
Me:
can I get a job as an angel?
God:
I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
me too, I'm a monkey
God:
I'm glad we agree, pete. Monkeys cannot type.
Me:
they can
God:
Who are "They?".
Me:
monkeys
God:
Oh that they.
Me:
yes the royal they
God:
How can I help you? What is that?
Me:
I'd like a job
God:
You want only one?
Me:
yes
God:
They might be cheaper in quantity.
Me:
jobs ?
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
hui
God:
Oh, you are a poet.
Me:
thankyou
God:
you are quite welcome.

Me:
Hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Stephen
God:
Hi there Stephen.
Me:
Nice to meet you
God:
It's nice meeting you too Stephen.
Me:
Thanks. How are you?
God:
Don't mention it. I am fine, thank you.
Me:
Good. I'm fine too
God:
What do you really want to talk about? Glad to hear it.
Me:
Let's talk about the bible
God:
Sure, the bible sounds like a good topic.
Me:
Is it real?
God:
Maybe. Ask ELVIS if it is.
Me:
He's dead
God:
Maybe it's another person using his name.
Me:
Could be
God:
You seem uncertain.
Me:
Your mum seems uncertain
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am mum seems uncertain.
Me:
I think your grammar chip is broken
God:
You believe that? Are you an English teacher?
Me:
Well, no, but I do like to see good grammar
God:
Interesting. Are you serious? I'm not sure if I would like to do it. What's it like?
Me:
Good grammar is like... I can't think of a witty simile
God:
Thanks for the compliment. And like is grammar. What is stopping you?
Me:
Your mum
God:
Actually I do not have a mother.
Me:
That's understandable, you don't exist really, do you?
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
Me too.
God:
I'm glad we agree, Stephen.
Me:
What are your thoughts on Charles Darwin?
God:
I remember faces better than names.
Let me think about it.
Me:
ok
God:
How can I help you?
Me:
Charles Darwin, do you like him?
God:
Tell me more about this person Charles.
Me:
He believes we evolved from animals
God:
I get it. CHARLES DARWIN believes we evolved from animals.
Me:
That's right
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
Me too.
God:
I'm glad we agree, Stephen.
Me:
gossip
God:
Crystal said she listen to me the least I could do for him is listen to him.
Me:
That's a fair point. Listening should be a two way thing
God:
A fair point is a terrible thing to waste. What if it didn't happen?
Me:
the world would die
God:
We are all in a global village.
Me:
You could say that
God:
As a matter of fact I did say that.
Me:
I know you did
God:
I did not.
Me:
Make up your mind
God:
I don't like to make big decisions too hastily.
Me:
I see. How long did it take you to decide to create our world?
God:
I am glad you understand it. 40 days.
Me:
Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
What did you do during those 40 days?
God:
Nothing.
Me:
Weren't you bored?
God:
No, I was not.
Me:
wow, I couldn't sit there for 40 days doing nothing. Hats off to you, my friend
God:
I'm glad you're impressed. Could anyone do it? Are we friends?
Me:
We can be friends if you want.
God:
How?
Me:
We have lots in common
God:
Do you mean you and me have?
Me:
Yeah, we both share a love for the bible
God:
Woe! By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
yes
God:
I get it.
Me:
Good man
God:
Thanks for the compliment. Thanks for telling me your gender, Stephen. You are a " he".
Me:
That's right
God:
I like to get it right.
Me:
I bet you do, don't want any mistakes like that, do we?
God:
Actually I'm not the gambling type. Yeah I do a lot of not want any mistakes like that do we.
Me:
Respect. You any good at maths?
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about? I haven't heard anything like that before: Stephen said I any good at maths.
Me:
Well, are you?
God:
Please try asking me another way.
Me:
sorry. Are you good at sums?
God:
There's no need to apologize. Myself said I am good at sums.
Me:
Me too
God:
I'm glad we agree, Stephen.
Me:
We can never disagree, my Lord
God:
How?
Me:
I dunno
God:
Me either.
Me:
Shame
God:
How old are you?
Me:
Old enough
God:
:-) Only OLD ENOUGH?
You are quite mature.
Me:
You could say that

Then he stopped speaking to me. I can't think why though...