Interview.

A MAN IS BEING INTERVIEWED BY BOB

BOB
So tell me about your career to date.

MAN
Well I graduated from Totnes Polytecnic in 1985 with a 2;2 in Biology. Not a brilliant pass, infact it meant the only job I could get was as a lab assisstant.

BOB
Excelent you're a scientist.

MAN
Well not really. I mean I'm a lab assisstant in a comprehensive school, I set the experiments up for the teacher. Collect the bunsen burners up that sort of thing.

BOB
Like your job?

MAN
Not really all the kids call me a paedophile and the bigger ones beat me up for my lunch money. The teachers make me stand outside the staff room, except the one time they locked me in the tea cupboard.

BOB
And you're mad.

MAN
I beg your pardon?

BOB
Ok mentally unwell, it says so on your form here you wouldn't lie on a form now would you? You could go to prison for something like that.

MAN
Ok ok, I suffered from a bit of depression in 1989. The headmaster said I'd come out as gay in assembly, it was world AIDS day. Then the 3rd formers burnt my Austin Allegro. And the PE teacher trapped me in the lab and touched my hair, then...

BOB
Lovely you're a mad scientist the jobs yours.

MAN
What? What job?

BOB
We're a recruitment agency and the job is you've just filled the post of mad scientist! I believe it comes with luncheon vouchers.

MAN
I thought this was for an assisstant food scientist with the FSA. Who hires mad scientists anyway?

BOB
A lovely little Rumanian village. They've had mad scientists for years, building unGodly creatures from body parts or pootering with deathrays. Then they march on their labs and burn them.

MAN
I don't want to be burned! Besides don't they have mad scientists of their own?

BOB
That's 40 years of communism and 10 years of EU membership, wiped out the native mad scientist industry.

MAN
But I'm not a very good scientist.

BOB
Doesn't matter. I mean no one is, if we were we'd be knee deep in unGodly creatures made by men who challenged Gods very laws.

MAN
Well now you put it like that, but the burning is still an issue for me.

BOB
Is it? How about if we changed it for an unsuccesful hanging?

MAN
Well there is a credit crunch go on then.

BOB
You won't regret it.

THEY SHAKE HANDS

MAN
But you will regret! You and all those who mocked my genius I shall mock the very Gods them selve!Mu ha ha!

BOB
That's lovely.

MAN LEAVES.
PHONE RINGS BOB ANSWERS IT.

BOB
Ah Mr Blofeld you need an atomic death ray specialist for the weekend? It's time and a quarter you know.

The idea of someone being interviewed for the post of mad scientist is ripe for comedy but I think you wander over too much ground here. The whole 'bullied' thing takes up too much time I think. Reduce that to a single funny incident and have Bob insist the interviewee must be mad as a result. Don't have it actually written on the form. And make the interwiewee protest a bit more at the assessment.

This is a cracking sketch, full of good gags and with some very nicely written dialogue. David has a point about lack of focus, but I think the downtrodden lab assistant schtick is very funny and sets him up nicely for his future career path. Most of this is too good cut, but to tighten up, you could maybe make some trims, just so it does not seem to ramble, e.g.

Quote: sootyj @ April 20 2009, 11:36 PM BST

A MAN IS BEING INTERVIEWED BY BOB

BOB
So tell me about your career to date.

MAN
Well I graduated from Totnes Polytecnic in 1985 with a 2;2 in Biology. Not a brilliant pass, infact the only job I could get was as a lab assistant.

BOB
Excelent you're a scientist.

MAN
Well not really. I mean I'm a lab assisstant in a comprehensive school, I set the experiments up for the teacher. Collect the bunsen burners up that sort of thing.

BOB
Like your job?

MAN
Not really all the kids call me a paedophile and the bigger ones beat me up for my lunch money. The teachers make me stand outside the staff room, except the one time they locked me in the tea cupboard.

BOB
And you're mad.

MAN
I beg your pardon?

BOB
Ok mentally unwell, it says so on your form here.

MAN
Ok ok, I suffered from a bit of depression in 1989. The headmaster said I'd come out as gay in assembly, it was world AIDS day. Then the 3rd formers burnt my Austin Allegro. And the PE teacher trapped me in the lab and touched my hair, then...

BOB
Lovely you're a scientist and you're mad, the job's yours.

MAN
What? What job?

BOB
Our agency is recruiting for the post of mad scientist! I believe it comes with luncheon vouchers.

MAN
I thought this was for an assistant food scientist with the FSA. Who hires mad scientists anyway?

BOB
A lovely little Rumanian village. They've had mad scientists for years, building unGodly creatures from body parts or pootering with deathrays. Then they march on their labs and burn them.

MAN
I don't want to be burned! Besides I'm not a very good scientist.

BOB
Doesn't matter. I mean no one is, if we were we'd be knee deep in unGodly creatures made by men who challenged Gods very laws.

MAN
Well there is a credit crunch, go on then.

BOB
You won't regret it.

THEY SHAKE HANDS

MAN
But you will regret! You and all those who mocked my genius I shall mock the very Gods them selve!Mu ha ha!

BOB
That's lovely.

MAN LEAVES.
PHONE RINGS BOB ANSWERS IT.

BOB
Ah Mr Blofeld you need an atomic death ray specialist for the weekend? It's time and a quarter you know.

View original

Agree with Dave. Disagree with Timbo.

Sooty - nice idea.

Although I think M15 or M16 have been looking for a "Q" type science adviser. Maybe adapt it for that set up.

Ah topical!

And not the kind with nuts.

Bussell is write I wrote this one very quickly because I saw all you ahd posted and it made me sad.

Then I wrote this and I was less sad.

Totnes?? I remember going to Kingsbridge for good old summer hols when I was a wee nipper!!! Groovy!

I think it's right up to:

'And the PE teacher trapped me in the lab and touched my hair, then...'

Well, then the 'mad scientist' thing came into play which I thought wasn't needed.