1)
GORDON RAMSAY STYLE RECIPE:
GORDON:
How to make braised beef on a bed of spinach.
Cut up some spinach. Put on a plate. Pick up the phone. Dial my off-site kitchen. Wait for ten minutes. Put the bag in boiling water for thirty seconds. Serve.
Braised beef on a bed of spinach. Done.
2)IN A BLUE PETER STUDIO:
PRESENTER ONE (HELEN):
And now we've got a real treat coming up, haven't we, Joel?
PRESENTER TWO (JOEL):
That's right, Helen. I'm looking forward to it nearly as much as Zoe Salmon in a leotard.
HELEN:
But there's no ice in our next guest's kitchen.
THEY LAUGH
JOEL:
So without further ado, please welcome top chef GORDON RAMSAY!!
GORDON ENTERS
RAMSAY (LOOKS ROUND):
What the f**k's this? How am I going to f**king cook in this kitchen?
HELEN:
It's 4 O' Clock Gordon. Please don't swear.
RAMSAY:
Don't swear? This is the worst kitchen f**king nightmare since Heston Blumenthal
JOEL:
So what are you going to cook today, Gordon? Something to spice up lunchtimes?
RAMSAY:
Like that fat f**k Jamie Oliver? Don't make me laugh. Even he couldn't cook in a kitchen this small.
JOEL:
How about some pub grub then? A nice Sunday roast?
GORDON:
Well done, big boy. You've got some balls after all.
HELEN:
OK, so now Gordon's going to cook a Sunday roast. And remember, if you want to cook this at home, don't forget to make sure one of your parents is present.
GORDON:
Right. Now this is a recipe I've tried and tested in my Gastropubs. So I know it's the dog's bollocks.
ENTER PERSON IN MOROTBIKE HELMET, WHO GIVES GORDON A BOX
GORDON:
And here's one my centralised kitchen prepared earlier.