Let's face most of us are going to be miserable failures as comedy writers and pretty much everything else.
So why not give up the misery of the rat race and BBC rejection emails and instead become a Bond villain.
Teachers win respect from your illiterate charges, alcoholics never buy a drink again, Daily Mail Readers send everyone back!
You'll need to begin with a secret base, henchman, doom weapon and secret identity.
Sootyj's are
Base Cock Island
Base - The Voodoo Lounge
Henchmen - Wedge Antilles, Ponder Stibbons and the Librarian
Doom Weapon - Disco Ball Death Star
Secret Identity - Captain Kremen II
Base - Anti Gravity Floating Brothel Fortress (Mark 3)
Henchmen - Chuck Norris, Natasha Kaplinski and Boris Johnson
Doom Weapon - Flesh Eating Furbies
Secret Identity - Cuddles McDeath
Base - Death Island
Henchmen - Two foxy ladies in bikinis called Honey Fingers & Icy Crevice.
Doom Weapon - Huge Missile, with a very easy deactivation code.
Secret Indentity - Don't need one, Bond doesn't have one.
And I live on an island anyway.
Base-
Henchmen
Doom weapon
Secret Identity
