A PROFESSOR IS TALKING TO A POLICEPERSON
POLICE
Right sonny Jim your university has got more Taliban than the whole of flipping Afghanistan! There's more unhinged lunatics here than the annual Daily Mail debate on immigration!
PROFESSOR
I fear your exaggerating.
POLICE
Oh really you've got an undergraduate degree in suicide bombing, the women's society has been stoned to death and your changing from Liverpool John Moores University to the Osama Bin Laden institute for terrorism.
PROFESSOR
Oh it's a fair cop. They just make good such good students. The last freshers week had almost no drunken vandalism or puking in the college fountain.
POLICE
Only becuase the Rugby Team was beheaded on the first day.
PROFESSOR
In fairness that was after losing a bet on who could drink the most whilst wearing a bra and stockings with the Hockey team.
POLICE
But aren't you worried that your whole student populatiomn will be dead or in prison by the end of the year?
PROFESSOR
Not at all. Not since we changed the final exam to blowing yourself up on public transport.
A STUDENT WALKS ON WITH A BOMB.
STUDENT
Professor my bomb won't blow me up.
PROFESSOR
Course we can't do anything about thick as shit English students.
STUDENT
I've got a B grade GCSE in terrorist violence sir.
POLICE
Consider a career in the Metropolitan police when you graduate?
2
JEN AND CAROL ARE TALKING
JEN
How are we going to take care of all these St Bernards the RSPCA rescued? They cost a fortune.
CAROL
It's ok a rich Scots man agreed to take care of them.
JEN
Who?
CAROL
Ronlad McDonald.