1
DAVID CAMERON IS TALKING TO GEORGE OSBOURNE AND READING A NEWSPAPER
DAVID
Look what that little shit Damian McBride has been leaking about us George.
GEORGE
He said you me and Boris have been having Bullingdon orgies and commited sexual acts with a suitcase a liberal democrat wouldn't do with a brief case.
DAVID
He said we round up homeless people and hunt them with Alsations on one of the Queens Estates!
GEORGE
He said we met in a Pizza Hut to plan replacing job centres with giant brothels, where we can hump the most winsome poor people.
DAVID
Disgusting lies.
GEORGE
I wouldn't be seen dead in Pizza Hut.
2
A WOMAN IS AT AN AIRPORT TALKING TO AN ASSISSTANT
WOMAN
Is this Luton airport?
ASSISSTANT
Might be, I could tell you but it'll cost you a fiver.
WOMAN
What?
ASSISSTANT
It's the credit crunch we're having to charge for all our services.
WOMAN
Fine.
MAN PAYS
ASSISSTANT
Yes it is.
A POLICEMAN WALKS ON AND POINTS A GUN AT THE WOMAN
WOMAN
Don't shoot!
POLICEMAN
That'll be a fiver. We've had to charge for not shooting people it's our number one money maker.
OSAMA BIN LADEN WALKS ON WITH A HUGE BOMB.
WOMAN
Hang on that's Bin Laden! Shoot him he's got a ruddy big bomb!
POLICEMAN
I'm powerless to stop the gentleman.
WOMAN
Bloody Human rights legislation.
MAN
No he paid the fiver not to be shot, but refused to pay to be searched. I think he's on your flight.
WOMAN
On my flight? I think I just shit myself.
ASSISSTANT
That'll be a fiver then.