Quote: SlagA @ April 8 2009, 5:01 PM BSTDo not make the mistake of thinking naturalistic dialogue is wordy and flabby and reflects exact conversations. A writer is not aiming to reflect real-life speech, rather a false construct that has the 'appearance' of being natural, while it's actually completely artificial.
Nicely put 
Quote: Martin H @ April 8 2009, 6:09 PM BSTMarc P's version sounds the more natural and it also got straight to the gag. You had the basic idea down, but padded it with too much unnecessary fluff.
Can I just say it's not my version. I just edited... I didn't add a thing.
Quote: Marc P @ April 8 2009, 8:09 PM BSTCan I just say it's not my version. I just edited... I didn't add a thing.
Your edited version
Yeah, so what I'll do is send you my whole first episode, you trim away and return
Quote: random @ April 8 2009, 8:10 PM BSTYour edited version
Yeah, so what I'll do is send you my whole first episode, you trim away and return
Get Dolly D on it. She's cheaper!
Quote: Marc P @ April 8 2009, 8:48 PM BSTGet Dolly D on it. She's cheaper!
lol I'm saying nothing 
I've re wrote a few pages of my first scene and have since been going over it, I've been trimming away like a good 'en
Quote: Marc P @ April 8 2009, 8:48 PM BSTGet Dolly D on it. She's cheaper!
That's not true. And I'd only send on to Marc 
- He has more time on his hands than me you see...
Hi, sorry for gatecrashing this thread a tad, but this exposition lark confuses me abit to. Basically, am I right in thinking random conversation is exposition? For example George Costanza discussing how he knows where the nearest toilet is from any place in New York in Seinfeld. This builds character but not plot so is it exposition? I hope not, as this sort of stuff is very amusing, so I don't see why it should be frowned upon.
Also, im writing my first sitcom draft and I have a bit where the characters are discussing whats happened yesterday evening when they were out, essentially one of the characters wants to find out what another thought of their date. It is essential to the future plot and I think it's only natural that someone would discuss this, but it is describing something that has happened. Is this exposition? Sorry for my long post, but it I do find it all very confusing 
Hi Mickenza
Welcome to the thread in which Random was asking about what exposition was and it was explained to him that it was explaining parts of the plot uneccessarily within the dialogue or something like that.
Quote: Dolly Dagger @ April 8 2009, 2:15 PM BSTIt's using dialogue to explain things. I.e
JOHN
Hello Mike. How are you after your wife Cathy left you last week?MIKE
Ok, thanks John, but I've just lost my job at the bakery.JOHN
Oh dear. You worked there for 10 years didn't you?MIKE
Yes, until I was caught with my fingers in the till.JOHN
Were you arrested?MIKE
No, I was taken to A&E. Three fractured fingers and a broken thumb.Sometimes you can use it for a bit of fun - like in Father Ted, but generally should be avoided and reveal in other ways.
You are so wise..!!!
Quote: Mickeza @ April 9 2009, 3:25 PM BSTBasically, am I right in thinking random conversation is exposition?
No. Why would you have random conversation in a sitcom? Presumably you mean banter?
Quote: Mickeza @ April 9 2009, 3:25 PM BSTFor example George Costanza discussing how he knows where the nearest toilet is from any place in New York in Seinfeld. This builds character but not plot so is it exposition?
No. Character building is good too.
Quote: Mickeza @ April 9 2009, 3:25 PM BSTAlso, im writing my first sitcom draft and I have a bit where the characters are discussing whats happened yesterday evening when they were out, essentially one of the characters wants to find out what another thought of their date. It is essential to the future plot and I think it's only natural that someone would discuss this, but it is describing something that has happened. Is this exposition?
Possibly. Is it only important to know what he thought of the date? In that case, it is not exposition as long as you are only discussing what he thought, not going into great detail about what actually happened. If your character is going into some big discussion about what actually happened on the date then yes, it probably is exposition and you might be better off having the date as a scene somehow, either a scene in itself or the oft-used technique of cutting between the characters talking about it and flashing back to the date itself.
Quote: Afinkawan @ April 9 2009, 4:58 PM BSTPossibly. Is it only important to know what he thought of the date? In that case, it is not exposition as long as you are only discussing what he thought, not going into great detail about what actually happened.
Thanks. That is what I have done
Quote: Darren Pomroy @ April 9 2009, 3:51 PM BSTYou are so wise..!!!
You are so right.
She is the Owl of the BSG!