EDITED
Hey guys,
I went paintballing the other week and it got me thinking about possible scenes. Anyway, here is a bit of it below.
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AL, BEN AND MINTY ARE LYING DOWN BEHIND A MOUND OF EARTH.
MINTY:
We're getting ripped a new one.
AL:
They're just kids, not Rwandan rebels for Christ's sake.
BEN:
They're from the Cheswood estate! They're used to urban warfare on a day-to-day basis, and have seen things we can't even imagine. We're stuck in mini-nam.
MINTY:
I wouldn't be surprised if we took one step to the left down a death hole.
AL:
Ok...here is the P.O.A:
MINTY:
POA?
AL:
'Plan of action'. One of us provide covering fire, whilst the other flanks them on the right to create a vacuum in the middle which we can exploit.
BEN:
Cut the Andy McNab crap already! My 'POA' is to run behind a wall, curl up into a foetal position and try my best not to cry.
MINTY:
Bagsy a place behind that wall.
AL:
Have you actually hit anyone today?
BEN:
I've just been firing shots into the sky, hoping that they land on people. I've coined it the 'pipe-bomb method of madness'.
AL:
Well you might as well have 'ammo guy from Saving Private Ryan' tattooed across your forehead.
BEN:
And How big is my forehead exactly?
MINTY:
It puts Ant McPartlin to shame.
AL:
What's with your constant Ant and Dec referencing? Remove half your nose from each of their arses.
BEN:
What did you notice about the ammo guy? (BEAT) Yes, he survived.
MINTY:
And he provided a valuable service to the other soldiers.
BEN:
...the 'unsung hero', if you will. Thanks Mint.
MINT:
Comrades stick together.
BEN:
What doesn't help is that every time I press the trigger three paints trickle out of the end like post-piss.
AL:
A pack of 100 more is only a tenner.
BEN:
That's how they get you. It's like those chav flights to Alicante for 20 quid return ...Yeah, until they whack on the luggage fee and 'surcharge', whatever the hell that is. No, I'm just going to try and conserve ammo for a bit.
MINTY:
At least you can actually pull your trigger. I've gone limp from that punching machine at 'Welcome Break'.
AL:
Great. What a potent strike-force we have. (PAUSE) Well I'd rather die on my feet than crawl on all fours...or whatever that expression is. See that barrel over there? Watch in awe as I dominate the distance between us and it...
AL TAKES A DEEP BREATH AND STARTS RUNNING FROM BEHIND THE COVER.
(Shouting) Come get me you motherless bitches!
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That's all I got so far.
