British Comedy Guide

First sentences of a novel Page 2

Quote: chipolata @ April 6 2009, 4:07 PM BST

Sorry, but everything patently doesn't start with death. There is stuff happening in Adam and Eve before death crops up. You might as well say, "Everything started with apples." :)

Chip, Chip.

In my story everything starts with a death, not in the Bible. So the first sentence relates to the story of the book not the story of Genesis. And the second expands upon it, by saying men have been killing women for a long time. Blaming them for all kinds of things that they are maybe not responsible for. :)

Your first books about killing kids, this one's about killing women! When are you going to write a nice fluffy rom-com that reflects the Marc P on these boards! :)

Somewhere on a novelists' forum in cyberspace, they're discussing the nuance of 'Two Pints Of Lager And A PAcket Of Crisps.'

Quote: chipolata @ April 6 2009, 4:48 PM BST

Your first books about killing kids, this one's about killing women! When are you going to write a nice fluffy rom-com that reflects the Marc P on these boards! :)

I'm working on another pseudonym, people worked the other one out too quickly!

:)

Quote: Anorak @ April 6 2009, 4:49 PM BST

Somewhere on a novelists' forum in cyberspace, they're discussing the nuance of 'Two Pints Of Lager And A PAcket Of Crisps.'

No they're not.

Quote: Marc P @ April 6 2009, 4:49 PM BST

I'm working on another pseudonym, people worked the other one out too quickly!

:)

Yes, I wonder how that secret got out so fast. Whistling nnocently

I tried to write a novel once, the first line was:

" The sun hung in the sky in exactly the same way that a cow didn't."

What a loss to literature I am.

Quote: Matthew Stott @ April 6 2009, 5:08 PM BST

I tried to write a novel once

You should compile all the arguments you've been involved in in one nifty fifty-six volume compendium. I'd buy it!

Yeah... definitely Man as opposed to Mankind.

And oh, by the way...

You can't really get more weird than my novel opener...

"Percy Pickle stuck his index finger up his right nostril and blew a raspberry with his lips and tongue."

And in context....

Percy Pickle stuck his index finger up his right nostril and blew a raspberry with his lips and tongue. What may have seemed a ludicrous act to a passing audience was in effect a habit that Percy had unfortunately been cursed with all his life. Although, oddly enough, even with it being such an atypical peculiarity, Percy was in fact blissfully unaware that he even performed such a bizarre gesture. Tough decisions would typically trigger the habit. Not all decisions, one might add. Petty decisiveness such as which store to buy his groceries from or which show to watch on TV would remain unaffected. Only a demanding dilemma would bring it on.
The demanding dilemma in question was simple. What was he going to do with the rest of his life? He had been recently made unemployed, was as close to skint as skint could be, and the creeping realisation of being irreversibly middle-aged had long-since taken a permanent foothold. The proverbial crossroads lay before him, but the signposts were missing; probably stolen! He did not know which way to turn and was unsure of which way to look. He knew not whether to shit or piss in the bucket that he identified as being life itself. In essence, he was buggered!

Quote: Marc P @ April 6 2009, 3:51 PM BST

Fun is eighty percent of the battle. What's the line?

:$

"On a hill top all alone, stands a boy, made of stone..."

Quote: chipolata @ April 6 2009, 5:18 PM BST

You should compile all the arguments you've been involved in in one nifty fifty-six volume compendium. I'd buy it!

How about I compile your face?

Language Timothy!

You know and we tried to have a little literary bit of a debate.

Like it, Marc! :D

Quote: Mikey Jackson @ April 6 2009, 5:23 PM BST

You can't really get more weird than my novel opener...

Hey, at least it's not as pretentious as my short story's!

Tell us it then!

You juicy dangler.

(aw, it's ages since I've quoted the Mighty Boosh.) :(

I am officially the only one who thought 'mankind' flowed better. :)
I just liked the two syllables I think. Though you've said Man describes what you were getting at better, so it doesn't matter now.

:$ Just looked, the first sentence isn't actually that pretentious. More wishy washy. Laughing out loud

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