Following on from my nit picking of SlaggA's excellent opening to his novel. I am deliberating on the first two sentences of one of mine. Which is
Everything started with a death. Eve murdered Adam by giving him the apple and Man has been paying her back for it ever since...
Should it be Man or Mankind. These are the things that keep me up at night.
Man.
I like it, the most I've read of a novel, ever.
It blows Dickens Worst/Best o'Times out of the water.
I'm attempting a kids novel, based purely on an opening line I thought of. Dunno if that a good or bad idea, but it will be fun to write. I hope.
Man - your instincts are right in this instance. Man reinforces the gender divisions, whereas Mankind doesn't. If that's the intention you were going for, that is.
Cheers guys, that was the intention so I'll leave it well alone!
Quote: Leevil @ April 6 2009, 3:37 PM BSTMan.
I like it, the most I've read of a novel, ever.
It blows Dickens Worst/Best o'Times out of the water.
I'm attempting a kids novel, based purely on an opening line I thought of. Dunno if that a good or bad idea, but it will be fun to write. I hope.
Fun is eighty percent of the battle. What's the line?
Hang on!
Eve didn't murder Adam. Adam ate the fruit and just lost his innocence and saw that they were naked!!!
I think Kane and Abel was the first murder in the bible - but clearly that doesn't work for what you are trying.
Unless this is a clever novalists trick of equating loss of innocence and murder.
Quote: bigfella @ April 6 2009, 3:56 PM BSTHang on!
Eve didn't murder Adam. Adam ate the fruit and just lost his innocence and saw that they were naked!!!
I think Kane and Abel was the first murder in the bible - but clearly that doesn't work for what you are trying.
Unless this is a clever novalists trick of equating loss of innocence and murder.
You could say Eve did him a favour.
Quote: Dolly Dagger @ April 6 2009, 3:58 PM BSTYou could say Eve did him a favour.
Depends on if Eve was a looker or not!
Marc P...btw my hubby thought your novel fantastic and a great read
Quote: bigfella @ April 6 2009, 4:01 PM BSTDepends on if Eve was a looker or not!
He had nothing to go by - of course she was!
Oi Big Fella just because you've got an agent now!!! Lol.
Because Eve gave Adam the apple and he ate - it he died. Sounds like poison to me. It is of course what we writers call a figurative statement.
Cheers BB that is nice to hear!
Sorry, but everything patently doesn't start with death. There is stuff happening in Adam and Eve before death crops up. You might as well say, "Everything started with apples."
Quote: Marc P @ April 6 2009, 4:04 PM BSTOi Big Fella just because you've got an agent now!!! Lol.
Because Eve gave Adam the apple and he ate - it he died. Sounds like poison to me. It is of course what we writers call a figurative statement.
I see. I'm none the wiser to be honest. 
It's all above me.
Quote: chipolata @ April 6 2009, 4:07 PM BSTSorry, but everything patently doesn't start with death. There is stuff happening in Adam and Eve before death crops up. You might as well say, "Everything started with apples."
A is for apple.
Quote: Dolly Dagger @ April 6 2009, 4:10 PM BSTA is for apple.
Which is a good start for a novel.
I started writing a horror novel a while back. The opening sentence was:
"It was one thing to pretend the goggle-eyed and bloated corpse of her now toad-ish father wasn't bobbing in the water tank, but it was quite another for Kirsty to ignore the sweetly gut-churning odour now coming from the loft."
Nice.