British Comedy Guide

Goalpost Dump

My first attempt at a sketch and probably my last.
Really difficult aren't they, will stick with SitCom's.

TWO WOMEN ARE SAT ON A BENCH ONE OF THEM HAS A DOG, THEY ARE LOOKING OUT TOWARDS THE FOOTBALL FIELD.

A MAN IS SQUATTING BETWEEN THE GOALPOSTS GROANING LOUDLY WHILE TAKING A DUMP.

THE TWO WOMEN AND DOG ARE STILL WATCHING, NO REACTION.

MAN HAS STOOD UP, CLOSES HIS TROUSERS THEN PULLS A PLASIC BAG FROM HIS POCKET. THRUSTS HIS HAND INTO THE BAG AND SCOOPS UP THE TURD THEN PROUDLY CARRIES IT TOWARDS THE DOGGY POOP BIN.

THE TWO WOMEN AND DOG ARE STILL WATCHING, SLIGHT REACTION.

MAN PROUDLY PLACES TURD BAG IN BIN AND WALKS OVER TO HIS WIFE WHO AFFECTIONATELY SCRATCHES HIM BEHIND THE EAR.

WIFE:
Who's a good boy then, who's a good boy? You are, yes you are.

THE TWO WOMEN WHO NOW SEEM DISGUSTED LOOK AT EACH OTHER.

WOMAN#1:
Have you ever seen anything so disgusting?

WOMAN#2:
Yeah I know, dirty bugger didn't wipe his arse.

END
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Alternative ending:

WOMAN#1:
That was TOTALLY out of order.

BOTH WOMEN HEAD SHAKING

WOMAN#1: (CONT'D)
Bitch didn't give him a treat did she.

END
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Nicely done bit of a visual rudery there and funny.

I'd have the wife tut and him and make him wipe his bum on the grass to keep the whole dog thing going.

But if that's a first sketch it's a promising start

Quote: sootyj @ April 5 2009, 6:38 AM BST

Nicely done bit of a visual rudery there and funny.

I'd have the wife tut and him and make him wipe his bum on the grass to keep the whole dog thing going.

But if that's a first sketch it's a promising start

What about having him rubbing his arse up and down the goalpost to wipe it, then the alternative ending. Would that work?

Do dogs do that?

I was thinking the more he acts like a dog the better?

Quote: sootyj @ April 5 2009, 8:02 AM BST

Do dogs do that?

Wish they did, you should see the clingons on my dogs arse, looks like an alien invasion.

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