Feedback from other writers Page 2

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ April 2 2009, 3:48 PM BST

And you've just let everyone else know that you don't respect their opinion.

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(Backtracking)I got it to about two people before I was told it was a men behaving badly rip off that should never see the light of day so I stopped.

Quote: Darren Pomroy @ April 2 2009, 4:10 PM BST

Unfortunately for Jonas Lovechild & Adolf Stokes this is a situation they have to face and to add to their problems their room mate Lauren Lovechild announces she will moving out at the end of the week with her boyfriend Chad.

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I think the names are trying to hard to be funny!

Hello Darren,

I believe the treatment is supposed to be your entire episode in a kind of short story form, and from this you create your script. What you have done is essentially list the traits and wants of the characters with a general premise.

My understading is that it should, along with what you have done already, introduce the plot of the episode and the twists and turns until it is all resolved at the end. Generally speaking a Treatment is quite detailed and will go through every part of your story episode. Unlike an Outline which is a lot smaller.

Def.

Hi Darren,

I think that you write fluently and can get the points down in a way that people will understand.

My only observation relates to what you've actually posted (not content but in fact what it *is*)

To me it's a synopsis (sometimes calle a one page outline) and not a treatment. As a synopsis it does what it's meant to do - brief intro of characters, situation and plot etc.

A treatment however is a lot more in my understanding. It's a more "meat on the bones" type of document intended to flesh things out in further detail (plot development overall story arc etc) and normally weighs in at several or more pages.

Please forgive me if I am being a pedant here and if you are intending it as a synopsis then I believe that it's just fine and dandy.

B.

EDIT:
Def's just said it as I was spell checking

Quote: Blenkinsop @ April 2 2009, 5:03 PM BST

Hi Darren,

I think that you write fluently and can get the points down in a way that people will understand.

My only observation relates to what you've actually posted (not content but in fact what it *is*)

To me it's a synopsis (sometimes calle a one page outline) and not a treatment. As a synopsis it does what it's meant to do - brief intro of characters, situation and plot etc.

A treatment however is a lot more in my understanding. It's a more "meat on the bones" type of document intended to flesh things out in further detail (plot development overall story arc etc) and normally weighs in at several or more pages.

Please forgive me if I am being a pedant here and if you are intending it as a synopsis then I believe that it's just fine and dandy.
x

EDIT:
Def's just said it as I was spell checking

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This is why I wanted some advice, I have more 'meat on the bones' on paper when im outlining the story, is this in fact my treatment??

This thread pretty much explains everything:

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/11818

Quote: Darren Pomroy @ April 2 2009, 5:14 PM BST

This is why I wanted some advice, I have more 'meat on the bones' on paper when im outlining the story, is this in fact my treatment??

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I believe so but would also say that there's no definitive "This is a treatment" document.

Different producers, production companies, script editors etc. want different things. But in broad terms, yes, a document that is more detailed than a synopsis and less detailed than the actual script is a treatment.

I was once asked to submit a treatment to a production company for a piece that I'd done (comedy drama where the script ran to 6o-ish pages) I sent a 4 or 5 page document detailing plot development etc and they were pleased with that

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ April 2 2009, 3:48 PM BST

Surely everyone wants to read a 4000 word treatment. Especially if it has pictures!

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Oh yeah, definitely the ones with pictures

If you do post stuff on Critique and get no feedback or very little feedback is this a good or bad thing?

It kinda depends on your outlook on life.

It's pretty random sometimes people are busy, some selfish sods post way to much.

Quote: hey_nonny @ April 5 2009, 8:33 PM BST

If you do post stuff on Critique and get no feedback or very little feedback is this a good or bad thing?

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I guess the thing is Hey Nonny, that you have posted a thing that is never going to get made; so in other forums, creative writing groups etc, for the sake of it without a view to being professional, you might get more feed back. But here you will get comments from fans of the show and probably that's it. Maybe pm TW and see what he thinks if you want a more balanced perspective.

Otherwise, enjoy it for your own self as you said was your intention and don't worry about it too much if people don't critique it here.

Thanks Marc,
I wasn't referring to my 2 pints stuff, don't really care about that stuff or even referring to my other sketches directly.
I normally read all the sketches posted by the writers then am interested in the critique from the others, there's usually good advice or ideas to learn from. Just happened to notice a few sketches being posted that have no comments. Suppose this is just down to sootyj's explanation though.

Hi Darren

I'm fairly new to it all but do people actually ask for treatments like this? I thought you had to send an actual script for consideration unless you're already established.

Have you written any of this as dialogue? That's what I'd be interested to see and that's what I'd offer feedback on. To me the idea isn't always as important as the execution. Something very simple in the right hands, with sharply observed characters and great jokes will be easy to read and enjoyable. On the other hand a promising plot without those things will be a dud and no one will read beyond a few pages even if the plot's great.

It doesn't matter how much of the dialogue you've written but I think a sample would help, unless you really are intending to only send treatments. The way I see it, while we're still learning, nothing written is wasted, that's how we improve hopefully. And as lots of people have said on here it's generally not the best idea to spend forever on our first project. Write your synopsis and and episode one, get feedback (privately or in critique or pay a professional) then decide whether to take it further. My only advice would be don't ask a non writing friend for feedback - they're generally rubbish in my experience!

Jx

many years ago I went to a writing seminar and a writer from Brookside was a speaker. He said his original treatment for Brookside was 200 pages long and read like a novel

Quote: bushbaby @ April 6 2009, 8:22 AM BST

many years ago I went to a writing seminar and a writer from Brookside was a speaker. He said his original treatment for Brookside was 200 pages long and read like a novel

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That's interesting. But I wonder, because it was for a continuing drama, if it wasn't more of a 'bible', with many in-depth character profiles and storylines for a on-going series? It would also have to be very particular if other writers were to be used.