Wimbledon 2009

Hey all, just posted this for the competition but think I was too late in doing so, thought I would share...any feedback appreciated! Cheers, Craig.

INT. - STUDIO/WIMBLEDON 2009 - DAY

JIMMY (Commentator)
The British fans are arriving here 3 hours early and will be no doubt filled with high hopes. Andrew Murray has overcome some of the top seeds here in the past few days so impressively and with such ease at times, It seems the day has finally come for British tennis to celebrate once again, it has been a long, long time and many of the people at home will not even be old enough to remember the last time we....

The programme gets cut off

5 hours later the channel comes back on

JIMMY
Well Tim, what can you say of that final?

TIM HENMAN (studio guest)
Well Jimmy, I'm absolutely speechless

JIMMY
Yes Tim, I think we all are...but for fu**sake just answer the fu**ing question, all those fu***ng summer days and nights I wasted watching you get fu**ed over and over again, can you not just tell us how the fu** you feel....I mean a British player actually won tonight, and lived up to the hype!

The camera cuts to Tim who is just gazing, bewildered

TIM HENMAN
Did I mention I'm making a comeback?

Cuts to John McCenroe

Programme gets cut off again

Any chance of some feedback people?

Good, bad or indifferent...I am open to much criticism

To be honest mate I am struggling to think of anything constructive to say about this one as I am not entirely sure I get the joke.

I'm not sure if the boat has passed a bit for sketches on British tennis being a laughing stock - Andy (always Andy - never Andrew) Murray is 4th in the world and about to go third. He is also top of world rankings over last six months, and reached the US Open final last year.

The dialogue doesn't really work for me to be honest - even little things like Jimmy (Connors) as commentator, but he would just be a colour commentator - it would be Sue Barker doing the build-up, or maybe Gary Linekar. I know sketches are a take on real life, but if you're parodying something you need the bits that are meant to be realistic seem realistic and I'm afraid the start doesn't. Maybe watch more tennis coverage to get a feel for it.

But a bigger problem with sketches like this is that it's reliant on having people recognise the people involved - Henman, Connors, McEnroe etc - but how are you going to go about that? Is someone going to offer them hundreds of thousands of pounds to perform in a sketch? I suppose it could be animated...

Well, can get impressionists / lookalikes I suppose.

Afraid didn't really get it - why does the programme keep getting cut off? Is Tim making a comeback?

Unfortunately this isn't a good sketch. But keep trying.

Hey all, thanks for the feedback.

I am new to this writing business so please bare with me but more so PLEASE feel free to leave me feedback no matter the verdict - if I never know what people think I'll never know what's good and what's not. So please leave feedback on my sketches.

This was a small sketch I done and would no doubt be better understood if performed. I guess it's one of those one's that sounds great in your head but scripted it just doesn't convey as you had imagined.

I get the feeling I will learn alot on here and there seems to be a sense of mutual respect for other writers works.

I have been doing improv comedy for sometime and I've always got laughs BUT I have always been too scared to write, and even more afraid of a negative response to it when I put it public. I've now decided that I have nothing to lose and well, here I am getting ripped to shreds and hey it's not as bad as I thought.

Hopefully I can have you bunch laughing soon.

Cheers
Craig

Keep up that attitude and you'll be fine.

I was going to say it reads like something where you know what's going on but we don't. You need to make it clear to the reader. I admit to being confused by it as it stands and as a result I didn't get it.

Quote: Badge @ March 29 2009, 6:43 PM BST

Keep up that attitude and you'll be fine.

I was going to say it reads like something where you know what's going on but we don't. You need to make it clear to the reader. I admit to being confused by it as it stands and as a result I didn't get it.

View original

Hey Badge,

"I was going to say it reads like something where you know what's going on but we don't"

You hit the nail on the head. That's my first obstacle in comic writing it seems.

Thanks for taking the time to read my script

I think you have perhaps picked up on a Tim Henman trait that he avoids questions or never really commits to anything but I don't think you executed it that well.

Also the fact that he is jealous that hes lost his title as the great British hope and misses being centre of attention.

I think there is a sketch to be had in there but not sure what yet!

Quote: Tom G @ March 29 2009, 7:03 PM BST

I think you have perhaps picked up on a Tim Henman trait that he avoids questions or never really commits to anything but I don't think you executed it that well.

Also the fact that he is jealous that hes lost his title as the great British hope and misses being centre of attention.

I think there is a sketch to be had in there but not sure what yet!

View original

Well it didn't take you long to find it