Racist

DAVID JASON IS BEING INTERVIEWED BY SOME ONE MORONIC TWUNT ON A DREARY BBC STATION.

TWUNT
Good afternoon David and welcome to the show. Now after your last racist outburst we've made some changes to prevent any more offence.

DAVID
Yes I wandered why I was strapped into the chair it's very comfortable, even the electrodes on my testicles.

TWUNT
Now Dave would you like a coffee? I'm afriad we're out of milk.

DAVID
Oh shame I do like a latte. I find them so bitter when they're dark or black.

DAVID SCREAMS SOUND OF ELECTORCUTION.

TWUNT
Take that you bastard. After slavery, colonialism black Britains have every right to be bitter.

DAVID
I was talking about coffee...

TWUNT
I bet. Now David your playing a Mulsim gardener in your new drama?

DAVID
Yes I Mow....

DAVID SCREAMS EVEN LOUDER SOUNDS OF ELECTROCUTION/

TWUNT
You evil sack of bollocks. Mohammed is the name of Muslims most scared prophet how dare you abreviate it?

DAVID
Ow, ow I was going to say I mow my own lawn.

TWUNT
I'm watching you, you little England Nazi. Bet you wank over the Daily Mail.
Now our Dam Busters competition. The dogs name was digger.

DAVID
Actually it was nig...oh crap.

GUN SHOT

TWUNT
Well that racists dead. And that leaves us even longer for our interview with the general secretary of Hezbollah.

HEZBOLLAH
Stab the Zionists! Stone the gays! Burn the adulterers! Stab,, stone and burn the Zionist, gay adulterers!

I liked the setup of the Latte joke. The 'digger' joke doesn't work, it's too obvious a setup. The Mohammed line is awkward and unbelievable too.

Dialogue like this:

TWUNT
I'm watching you, you little England Nazi. Bet you wank over the Daily Mail.

Cheapens it for me.

The final line from Hezbollah is completely bizarre. I don't know what to say about that.

Despite that I enjoyed reading it as I do most Sooty pieces. The insanity of it all makes me laugh, but I'm not sure there's much of a market for this style.

hello sooty

this made me chuckle, and I'm at work, so that is a real achievement.nothing really to say by way of a critique, you obviously know what you're doing.

just thought I would share with you how it got me thinking. I only joined yesterday and am not sure what one should or shunt post. but I have nothing to do at work atm, so I hope you don't mind me blathering on on your post.

so anyway, what I was going to say was, the way the interviewer preempemted what david was gunna say made me think of david's old colleague ronnie barker in his role as arkwright being in the same position. he wouldn't of stood a chance, b-b-b-bless him.

ducky x

Aah a politically correct version of Open All Hours with Arkwright transformed into Osama bin Arkwright.
I like that.

Quote: Ben @ March 27 2009, 2:03 PM GMT

I liked the setup of the Latte joke. The 'digger' joke doesn't work, it's too obvious a setup. The Mohammed line is awkward and unbelievable too.

Dialogue like this:

TWUNT
I'm watching you, you little England Nazi. Bet you wank over the Daily Mail.

Cheapens it for me.

The final line from Hezbollah is completely bizarre. I don't know what to say about that.

Despite that I enjoyed reading it as I do most Sooty pieces. The insanity of it all makes me laugh, but I'm not sure there's much of a market for this style.

View original

I suppose it's a bit of a niche story. Where Hezbollah are welcome in this country who really are a bit evil and racist, but poor old DJ gets the 3rd degree.

Quote: Ben @ March 27 2009, 2:03 PM GMT

I liked the setup of the Latte joke. The 'digger' joke doesn't work, it's too obvious a setup. The Mohammed line is awkward and unbelievable too.

Dialogue like this:

TWUNT
I'm watching you, you little England Nazi. Bet you wank over the Daily Mail.

Cheapens it for me.

The final line from Hezbollah is completely bizarre. I don't know what to say about that.

Despite that I enjoyed reading it as I do most Sooty pieces. The insanity of it all makes me laugh, but I'm not sure there's much of a market for this style.

View original

I suppose it's a bit of a niche story. Where Hezbollah are welcome in this country who really are a bit evil and racist, but poor old DJ gets the 3rd degree.

with nurse gladys emmanuelle brazenly flashing her great big pair of eyes, getting arkwright all flustered and unnecessary, probably knocking over a stack of out of date barm cakes, before denouncing her as a temptress harlot and proceeding to attack her with a barage of the aforementioned stale brea' rolls

i think it could work, sooty. I really do. God , I've only been on here a day. this is fate. or not, probly.

ducky x

My word Nurse Gladys in a burqa?
I think I might write this SOB!