An old sketch idea I came across. All comments welcome.
SCENE: TV STUDIO WITH 2 TYPICALLY ENTHUSIASTIC PRESENTERS EMPLOYING A BREATHLESS PRESENTATION STYLE
RON: Hello and welcome to Fluffy Friends, I'm Ron!
JENNIFER: And I'm Jennifer! What's new this week Ron?
RON: Well, this week Jennifer I'm really excited.
JENNIFER: Why's that Ron?
RON: This week we're having our first live phone-in.
JENNIFER: Wow!
RON: (DEADPAN) Exactly. Wow.
JENNIFER: And our very first caller is 7 year old Liam Manchester from Manchester.
LIAM (V.O.): It's just Liam from Manchester.
JENNIFER: (IMPATIENTLY) OK Kid. What's the question?
LIAM (V.O.): (HESITANTLY) It's my hamster, Fluffy. He's not very well.
RON: (LOOKING AT A PHOTO AND SHOWING JENNIFER) Liam has kindly emailed us a photo. (POINTING) You can see the discolouration at the base of the tail.
JENNIFER: The classic sign of wet tail.
RON: Yes, how old is Fluffy?
LIAM (V.O.): He'll be one next week.
RON: And did you buy him any presents?
LIAM (V.O.): Yes! I got him a new cage and some lovely toys…
JENNIFER: And did you keep the receipts?
LIAM (V.O.): What?...
RON: How have you tried to treat the wet tail Liam?
LIAM (V.O.): Well, I've wiped his tail clean every day.
JENNIFER: That's not really going to help, Liam. You see the discharge is Fluffy's insides melting and running out of his bottom.
RON: Fluffy really isn't too well champ.
LIAM (V.O.): Oh...
JENNIFER: Nope, he's basically just a big bag of pus.
LIAM (V.O.): He doesn't seem too ill.
JENNIFER: Can you see the little dark marks under Fluffy's eyes, Liam?
LIAM (V.O.): (TEARFUL) Yes...
JENNIFER: Tears of pain buddy; your little friend's life is a nightmare of extreme pain alternating with short bursts of excruciating agony. Believe me when he finally bursts it will be a relief.
LIAM (V.O.): (TEARFUL) Bursts!?
JENNIFER: Oh yeah! You might want to warn Mum to keep a mop handy cos its gonna get messy (MAKES AN EXPLOSION SOUND AND MIMES BLOWING UP).
LIAM (V.O.): Oh no...(BREAKS DOWN IN TEARS)
RON: (TRYING TO GET THINGS ON TRACK AND STOP THE SOBBING) So Liam... anything else you'd like to ask?
LIAM (V.O.): (PULLING HIMSELF TOGETHER) No, not really. (SNIFFS) Thanks for your help.
RON: No, thank you Liam for being such an excellent caller. And give our regards to Fluffy.
JENNIFER: (UNDER HER BREATH). Quickly.
RON: That's all we have time for now, but don't forget to visit our website for lots of handy hints on pet care, forums and, of course, our famous second-hand market for pet-related items.
JENNIFER: Might be some hamster bargains up there soon (SHE MIMES BOOM AGAIN).