A CEMETERY THERE IS A FRESHLY DUG UP GRAVE.
A FAT ANNOYING MAN IS TAKING A DUMP IN IT, A MOON FACED GUY IS PISSING IN IT.
THE GROUNDS KEEPER RUNS UP WAVING A SHOVEL.
GROUNDS KEEPER
You disrespectful scallywags! I'll fill you in and then I'll fill your graves in!
FAT
Shut up you peasant.
GROUNDS KEEPER
That's Eric Morcambes grave you monster!
MOONFACE
And we're pissing in it.
FAT
And shitting in it. Don't you know who we are?
GROUNDS KEEPER
Monsters. That's what you are.
MOONFACE
Sigh watch.
FAT PULLS OFF HIS SHIRT MOONFACE RUBS HIS NIPPLES AND SNOGS HIM.
GROUNDS KEEPER
You look a little familiar.
FAT STARTS LAUGHING IN AN ANNOYINGLY HIGH PITCHED MANNER.
GROUNDS KEEPER
Oh yes you're the two blokes off BBC Threes groundbreaking new sketch show with ground breaking figures. Which I haven't watched.
MOONFACE
Almost a million! Oi tubs you can stop laughing.
FAT IS STILL LAUGHING.
MOONFACE
Mind if I borrow this.
TAKES GROUNDKEEPERS SHOVEL AND WHACKS FAT OVER THE HEAD.
FAT
Ow.
FATS MOBILE RINGS HE ANSWERS IT.
FAT
I see, how much? Double it and add a zero. I'll do it.
HANGS UP
FAT
Sorry Moonface Jade Goody's dead. And Max Clifford needs a fat, loser to annoy people and shag Jeff Brazier I'm off.
HE FLOUNCES OFF PROBABLY TO GREGGS.
MOONFACE TO GROUNDS KEEPER
Fancy being in a hilarious ground breaking comedy act?
GROUNDS KEEPER
But I'm not funny.
MOONFACE
That's brilliant. Whats your name?
GROUNDS KEEPER
Ivor Gott.
MOONFACE
Horn Ivor Gott that's hilarious.