British Comedy Guide

Football Slumber

INT. LIVING ROOM - SATURDAY NIGHT

Two blokes, Jonny and Rick, are watching the football, beers in hand, having a laugh.

JONNY
Ah mate, I can't believe he missed that shot.

RICK
Yeah, he's a proper cock.

They both laugh.

The door bell rings, Jonny leaps up to answer it.

JONNY
That'll be big Dave.

He opens the door to reveal Dave, who holds a bag.

JONNY
Way hey, Big Dave!

Dave looks surprised but he quickly hides it.

DAVE
Alright, Jonny, mate?

RICK
[without getting up]
Dave!

DAVE
Rick!

JONNY
You missed the first goal mate, where you been?

DAVE
I err had to sort some things.

JONNY
What you been up to Dave?

DAVE
I err...

The crowd roars from the TV.

DAVE
[Shouting at the TV, avoiding the question]
Come on lads!, lets get stuck in!

Jonny and Rick exchange puzzled looks with each other.

INT. LIVING ROOM - SATURDAY NIGHT - LATER

Later.

It's half time and the men's focus goes back to each other.

DAVE
Oh man, he's been playing a cracking game!

RICK
Yeah...

Awkward silence.

JONNY
So Dave...

DAVE
Yeah?

JONNY
[beat]
What's in the bag?

DAVE
Mate, just leave it.

RICK
What's he hiding?

JONNY
Go on, show us Dave.

DAVE
Guys, just leave it alright.

Jonny and Rick jump on Dave and wrestle the bag away from him.

Jonny opens the bag up and looks inside, whilst Dave watches on, frozen with fear.

JONNY
What's this?

Rick peaks in and is shocked by what he sees.

DAVE
Ok lads, I admit it, I just misunderstood what tonight was about, lads, come on.

Jonny reaches into the bag and pulls out a pair of pajamas.

Like a Mexican standoff, they wait to see who'll react first.

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT - LATER

The second half of the match is starting.

FOOTBALL COMMENTATOR
Ok, you join us in this second half, where well all know where this is going but what a result it would be if they can bring it in...

Jonny, Rick and Dave sit on the sofa, all dressed in pajamas, Rick wears pink ones, presumable Jonny's wife's.

JONNY
I gotta admit, this is quite...

RICK
Nice?

JONNY
Yeah.

DAVE
The wife suggested it, I thought it was crazy, but she was ri...

Jonny and Rick react in both disgust and disappoint.

JONNY
Oh, Dave, you had to go and spoil it.

RICK
Now I feel weird.

JONNY
You made us feel weird Dave.

RICK
I don't think he should be allowed to wear his pj's anymore.

JONNY
Yeah, I agree, take them off Dave.

DAVE
I, I don't want to.

RICK
Take em off!

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT - LATER

Jonny and Rick sit there happily watching the game, still in their pajamas. Whilst Dave sits, in his pants, slumped and depressed at not being allowed to join in.

END

Special credit to Nil, for helping me to be a proper man and for being so sexy.

Hey, I really liked this. Realistic and open dialogue. Jolly good stuff!!!

Thanks for reading :)

Very good. Great pacing decent dialogue, and funny. On a winner there fella.

Cheers Gav!

I liked it, but you obviously know nothing about football! :D There wouldn't be a break halfway through the first half as you suggest earlier in the piece. Geek Or is American football where there's a break every two minutes? ;)

Anyway, I thought it was fun. :D

Quote: Nil Putters @ March 22 2009, 3:05 PM GMT

I liked it, but you obviously know nothing about football!

You're right, I don't. I do know it's not split into quarters though, I'm not that bad lol. It was just another way of saying you've missed the first 10 minutes or it could've just gone to commercial break (or are they good at not cutting to break during the match?). If it's something you'd never hear a football fan say, I'll have to change it.

Cheers Nilmondo!

Laughing out loud No, TV company's don't break during a half, so yes, you'll have to change it. How about something like this;

JONNY
You missed the first quarter goal mate, where you been?

and;

The crowd football returns from commercial break. roars from the TV.

DAVE
[Shouting at the TV, avoiding the question]
Ah, it's back Come on lads!, lets get stuck in!

Quote: Nil Putters @ March 22 2009, 3:05 PM GMT

There wouldn't be a break halfway through the first half as you suggest earlier in the piece.

Unless it was on ITV...

Ha! But they got crucified for that. :D

Ah, ok cool Nil, cheers dude! Cool

Is this a sketch or a sitcom extract? Why are they wearing pyjamas?

It's a sketch. I thought the idea of a load of blokes watching a game, decide to turn it into a girly slumber party. It's not quite how I'd imagine it, but I'm quite happy with the way it came out.

Good work Leevil, always good to end a sketch with someone just in their pants!

Cheers Chopz. Yeah, it's better to end on it, rather than them coming in their pants... :O

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