New Song Sketch

This sketch may need a better resolution - see what you think.

JOSH AND MARK, TWO 23 YEAR-OLDS ARE IN JOSH'S LIVING ROOM, SITTING OPPOSITE EACH OTHER WITH ACOUSTIC GUITARS

JOSH:I've got a new one on the go at the moment – I'll play a bit.

MARKure, let's hear it.

JOSH:Lyrics are a bit crap right now, need some work, but structurally I think it's solid.

MARKK.

JOSH:Alright – start off with the intro, then straight into the chorus, yeah?

MARK:Right.

JOSH STARTS STRUMMING SOME CHORDS – IT'S A BALLAD-Y TYPE SONG. MARK HAS HIS EYES CLOSED, HEAD FACING THE CEILING, TRYING TO IMAGINE HOW THE SONG WILL 'SOUND'. JOSH ANNOUNCES THE CHORDS AS HE PLAYS.

JOSHK, so – A...E...L...

MARK OPENS HIS EYES AND SHARPLY LOWERS HIS HEAD TO FACE JOSH, PUZZLED.

JOSH:...G...then back to A.

MARK:Wait a sec...

JOSH:Hmm?

MARK:What did you say?

JOSH:This is the intro...A...

MARK:Yeah, I got the first couple of chords, A, E – simple. What was next?

JOSH THINKS

JOSH:Erm...L.

MARK:What do you mean 'L'?

JOSH:Bit of a jump from E? I thought that, but it goes with the melody, y'see.

MARK:'L'?

JOSH:Yeah – what?

MARK:Where did you find 'L'?

JOSHslowly) After K. What you on about?

MARK:There's no 'L' chord, for Christ's sake. It goes from A to G.

JOSHh, can't you get L on yours?

MARK:No. No I can't. Show me it. What are the notes?

JOSH:Well, L, obviously...

MARK:No! No no no! Not "'L', obviously"! Play it.

JOSH:The chord?

MARKlease.

JOSH STRUMS THE 'L' CHORD – IT SOUNDS VERY WRONG, THE EQUIVALENT OF SOMEONE BASHING A PIANO WITH THEIR ELBOWS.

MARK:Well?

JOSH:Needs tuning.

MARK:What, you or the guitar?

Nice one. Maybe it would be better if the one inventing chords was a guitar teacher? Just a thought.

Hey! A muso joke. Nice (Oops bloke off the Fast Show)

I liked the pace and how this is written too but do agree that the end is a bit limp. However can't suggest anything at the mo'

Hmmm. Maybe L min7 flat5 might be the answer?

EDIT:

Just had a think about an alternative ending and as an homage to the Troggs Tape:

JOSH:
Needs tuning.

MARK:
Hmmm. What about a 12-string?

Just heard the Troggs Tape for the first time - brilliant. I'd use the 12-string line, but I'm afraid I like my tuning line too much.

The Troggs Tape is the Biz isn't it and the funny thing is that I don't suppose anyone could write something so funny yet dripping in pathos too.

Glad to have been of service and nice sketch Shaggy.

EDIT:

I particularly liked this

MARK: No. No I can't. Show me it. What are the notes?

JOSH: Well, L, obviously...

Lovely! I can just imagine the delivery and if it's done correctly then it would give me a right giggle.

Right, I think I've got a decent ending now.

JOSH AND MARK, TWO 23 YEAR-OLDS ARE SITTING DOWN OPPOSITE EACH OTHER WITH ACOUSTIC GUITARS

JOSH:I've got a new one on the go at the moment – I'll play a bit.

MARKure, let's hear it.

JOSH:Lyrics are a bit crap at the moment, need some work, but structurally I think it's solid.

MARKK.

JOSH:Alright – so it starts off with the intro, then goes straight into the chorus, yeah?

MARK:Right.

JOSH STARTS STRUMMING SOME CHORDS – IT'S A BALLAD-Y TYPE SONG. MARK HAS HIS EYES CLOSED, HEAD FACING THE CEILING, TRYING TO IMAGINE HOW THE SONG WILL 'SOUND'. JOSH ANNOUNCES THE CHORDS AS HE PLAYS.

JOSHK, so – A...E...L...

MARK OPENS HIS EYES AND SHARPLY LOWERS HIS HEAD TO FACE JOSH, PUZZLED.

JOSH:...G...then back to A.

MARK:Wait a sec...

JOSH:Hmm?

MARK:What did you say?

JOSH:This is the intro...A...

MARK:Yeah, I got the first couple of chords, A, E – simple. What was next?

JOSH THINKS

JOSH:Erm...L.

MARK:What do you mean 'L'?

JOSH:Bit of a jump from E? I thought that, but it goes with the melody, y'see.

MARK:'L'?

JOSH:Yeah – what?

MARK:Where did you find 'L'?

JOSHslowly) After K. What you on about?

MARK:There's no 'L' chord, for Christ's sake. It goes from A to G.

JOSHh, can't you get L on yours?

MARK:No. No I can't. Show me it. What are the notes?

JOSH:Well, L, obviously...

MARK:No! No no no! Not "'L', obviously"! Play it.

JOSH:The chord?

MARKlease.

JOSH STRUMS THE 'L' CHORD – IT SOUNDS VERY WRONG, THE EQUIVALENT OF SOMEONE BASHING A PIANO WITH THEIR ELBOWS.

MARK:Well?

JOSH:Guitar needs tuning.

MARKnot quite under his breath) You need tuning.

JOSH:Well, what have you got?

MARK:Me? I've been 'lyricking' up, mate. Got some right poetry here. Dylan and Morrissey ain't got nothing on what I've been doing.

JOSH:Neil Morrissey? Let's read.

MARK:Yeah. Yeah, Neil Morrissey. Christ alive.

MARK HANDS HIM A PIECE OF PAPER. JOSH READS OUT THE LYRICS

JOSH:'It's been too long, baby
Since you went away
I couldn't be with another woman
I'm thinking of going gay'

MARKee? Now THAT'S craftsmanship.