1
GORDON BROWN IS TALKING TO ALISTAIR DARLING.
GORDON
That was a most agreeable meeting with Barrack Obama, I think the special relationship is back.
ALISTAIR
Realy Gordon? It went that well?
GORDON
Yes Barrack listened to me. Told me I was a good boy, scratched my tummy his daughters threw me a ball.....
ALISTAIR
Gordon ! I think he might have mistaken you for his new dog.
GORDON
Well he had said he wanted a Blair Poodle like Bush had. Oh I don't care who else is going to give me a job after I get booted out?
ALISTAIR
But he'll smack you with a rolled up newspaper if you pee on the carpet, Nicolas Sarkozy will kick you sneakily on state visits, he'll have you castrated.
GORDON
I don't care and Sara won't touch my dinkle since I bailed out HBOS.
ALISTAIR
You made a good case Gordon. Do you think he might want a bushy eyebrowed chancellor terrier?
GORDON
No Alistair his daughters have severe allergies.
ALISTAIR
So how do you know they'll be allergic to me?
GORDON
Well you make me sick. You pension doling out halfwit.
2
GORDON IS TALKING TO ALISTAIR
ALISTAIR
So Gordon did Barrack show you how to make yourself popular and convincing. And not a saggy faced loser who looks like Bagpuss after a stroke?
GORDON
Yes he introduced me to the one man who makes sure he's always positive and upbeat. Even when his countries more f**ked than a lone sheep lost in the Welsh Assembly
ALISTAIR
Was he a coach, a speech writer, his spiritual guide?
GORDON
Nope his coke dealer.
GORDON SNIFFS A BAG OF WHITE POWDER.
GORDON
I believe in the audacity of dope.