As we're putting on the failed 7 on 7

Here's what lost me the chance to meet David Webb (aside from my Postman Pete (Mandelson) sketch) and my 'Who the Bleep Do You Think You Are?' starring Gordan Ramsay and Christian Bale -

SHOW BIZZLE

BRENDAN:

Hello, I'm Brendan McNothing.

AMANDA:

And I'm Amanda Von Cube.

BRENDAN AND AMANDA:

And you're listening to Show Bizzle.

BRENDAN:

Your weekly burst of entertainment news.

AMANDA:

And showbiz gossip.

BRENDAN:

Our first story tonight, it has been revealed that a musical based on the Marvel comic book hero Spider-Man will open on Broadway in 2010.

AMANDA:

Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark will include the story of the superhero's origins and will feature music and lyrics by U2 members Bono and The Edge.

BRENDAN:

Bono is quoted to have said 'It's a really inspiring story about a nerdy kid, constantly mocked by his peers, who gets amazing powers and changes the world…but enough about me, let's talk about Spider Man'.

AMANDA:

Further tunes will be supplied by Green Goblin Day, Mary Jane Blige and Doctor Octo-Pussy Cat Dolls.

BRENDAN:

Hey Amanda, I wonder if it will be available on the web?

AMANDA:

Hey Brendan, I wish you were dead.

BRENDAN:

Me too.

AMANDA:

This just in. California governor and former action movie star Arnold Schwarzenegger is to play himself in a film being made by Sylvester Stallone.

BRENDAN:

The 61-year-old will make a rare big-screen appearance in The Expendables, Stallone's publicist confirmed.

AMANDA:

Arnie is quoted to have said 'In this movie I have to pretend to be the Governor of California. Imagine me playing a politician? I am laughing already.'

BRENDAN:

Hey Amanda, I've heard that voters are asking for a Total Recall because of his True Lies.

AMANDA:

Hey Brendan, this Last Action Hero is giving us a Raw Deal.

BRENDAN:

I'll be back…to kill you with a baseball bat.

AMANDA:

And so you should Brendan. Now on to our final story, Musician Duke Ellington has become the first black American to feature prominently on a US coin.

BRENDAN:

The jazz composer and performer will be pictured seated at the piano on the 25 cent piece.

AMANDA:

The US Treasury has confirmed that Ellington is only the first of their intended line up of popular American musicians to appear on their currency.

BRENDAN:

Fifty Cent will appear on the Half Dollar, Michael Buble will appear on the dime, which apparently come by the dozen and R. Kelly will appear on the one cent piece for those who wish to spend a penny. When asked, Michael Jackson said he would like to appear on anything under ten.

AMANDA:

What about the British band Dollar, what should they appear on?

BRENDAN:

A death warrant.

AMANDA:

Couldn't agree with you more Brendan. For Show Bizzle, I'm Amanda Von Cube.

BRENDAN:

And I'm Brendan McNothing.

AMANDA AND BRENDAN:

Goodbye.

I think nobody's posted on this because it actually works quite well. But it doesn't leap out either and that's why it's here. I can't suggest much, just perhaps to jumble the jokes around and see which order they're funniest, give it some kind of structure.

Thanks escalinci,

You're quite right, it doesn't really have any bite to it. It's my own fault for toning down my normally 'vicious' sense of humour to try and make it fit BBC Radio.

I was going to include my CSI: Miami piss take involving Michael Barrymore and the pool thermometer with the detectives 'dusting for anus'. But I thought it might be taking things too far and the Beeb would have a freak out.

I've learned my lesson now and will not self censor in future.

Thanks again for reading my entry and leaving a criticism.

Doesn't really do anything for me, I'm afraid.

I know last year Tilt tried to avoid newscasters reading topical stuff entirely and I can sort of see why. There's no single point of focus to the sketch and it just feels like a lot of jokes one after another.

Your CSI rip-off sounds like much more fun!

Sorry

Dan