Footballer sketch

SCENE 1. 'WAR IS HELLO MAGAZINE'

GRAMS:EPIC WAR MUSIC

F/XOUND OF BOMBS DROPPING AND GUNS FIRING

(V.O.) From the team that brought you 'Saving Private Ryan', 'The Thin Red Line' and a load of other harrowing war films along those same lines, comes: 'Band of Premiership Footballers'

F/X:LOUD SCREAM

JOHN:No! They got Frank. Where are you hit? (BEAT) FRANK! Come on, Stay with me...

FRANKPAINED) They got my metatarsal.

JOHNammit...Why hath you forsaken us, oh Lord?!

FRANK:Just leave me. Save yourselves.

JOHN:You heard the guy. Let's roll lads!

FRANK:Wait! Can you do one last thing for me, before this slightly uncomfortable feeling at the ball of my foot becomes too unbearable for me to remain with this world?

JOHNSIGHS) Fine. But make it quick.

FRANK:When you make it back home, tell my WAG that I (DYING)...l.....that l lo...

JOHN:Yes?

FRANK:...lost all my money on dodgy development deals and high-risk poker games, so there is no way that gold-digging trout can get her dirty slag hands on a penny of it.

JOHN:Unconventional last request, but ok. She was screwing the centre forward behind your back anyway, so I don't blame you. (PAUSE) Right, let's do one!

F/X:LADS START SINGING THE THEME FROM 'THE GREAT ESCAPE', TO FADE

END

This is 7 on 7 reject also.

I like the idea very much, but (1) you need a better name for the production The Thin Goal Line or Saving Premiership Ryan Giggs or something of that ilk. (2) Can't believe you've not made reference to Cristiano Ronaldo laying flat out like he's been shot, but is actually faking and jumps up at some stage.

The ending is not great, tbh. Needs work. Some 'red card' gag maybe?

Dan

Both good improvements.

Ah well, back to the drawing board!