I wrote three sketches in half an hour for the 7on7, which probably wasn't long enough to polish them. Obviously I didn't get invited to the workshop (of course I didn't - if I changed into David Mitchell I still wouldn't be invited 
) But got the 'shows promise, please submit when the show airs' email that you've probably all got too.
Anyway, here's my favourite sketch I submitted.
DESPERATE DATES
LINDA:
Come in and sit down. It's Chris, isn't it?
CHRIS BROWN:
(AMERICAN) Yeah.
LINDA:
Okay. I'll just tell you a little bit about what we do here at Desperate Dates. Basically we hope to find love and companionship for those who are - shall we say – a little bit tricky to find dates for. Not because of looks – we have some great lookers on our books, but more because of what I like to call 'reputation'. Or what the courts like to call 'previous convictions'. Now, Chris I've had a look at your form...
CHRIS:
My application form?
LINDA:
No, love. I mean in A criminal sense and I see you've recently been arrested and dumped.
CHRIS:
Yeah.
LINDA:
No worries love. You'd be surprised who we can match up with a partner. We're upfront and honest, but we word your ads carefully to play down the negatives and big up the positives. Let me show you this client's profile. "Mike T, heavyweight, sporty, likes reading, little bit rapey". See?
CHRIS:
Okay.
LINDA:
So for you we can say something like "Chris B, singer, enjoys country walks, sometimes heavy handed."
CHRIS:
Great. How long do you think it'll take to get a first date?
LINDA:
Well actually Chris I've found someone for you already.
CHRIS:
Cool.
LINDA:
Lady Ga Ga.
CHRIS:
And she wouldn't mind that I've had issues with anger management?
LINDA:
I don't know about that, but she's bloody annoying. I'd like to give her a slap myself.
END
