Sorry Guy's I am very bored. I was on a train recently and it gave me an idea for a short sketch. I have shortened it for you.
INT
Suited man on train sitting opposite a lady, in a very short skirt.
WOMAN
Sir would you like me to take my skirt right off for you.
MAN
Sorry Madam I am trying not to look but my eyes wont listen.
WOMAN
Sir I have no problem with you looking, I was merely offering assistance for a better perusal.
Woman starts to cross and uncross her legs.
MAN
I can’t cope with this Madam.
WOMAN
You could always move Sir
MAN
Madam I cant. I am trying too, but my legs won’t listen.
(Woman undoes her top bottom)
MAN
Madam this is outrageous! I now have a problem. (He points to his crotch)
WOMAN
Well Sir I suggest you take your problem in hand and sort it out.
MAN
Here Madam
WOMAN
Why not Sir.
(Man starts to tug away furiously).
WOMAN
Sir, if you could be so kind, could you not aim it towards me. I have a party to go to, I do not want my clothes spoiled.
MAN
Where would Madam like me to aim.
(Woman looks around)
WOMAN
Wait here a second Sir.
(Woman walks over to an elderly woman sitting to her left)
WOMAN
Sorry to bother you madam, but we have a small problem over there
Woman points over to the man.
ELDERLY WOMAN
Ahhhh! I see Dear. Well he can fire over this end.
(Elderly Woman brings out and opens an umbrella.)
ELDERLY WOMAN
You need to carry protection theses days Dear. British Rail is full of wankers.