I recently received some feedback from a production company about a selection of sketches I sent to them, one comment in particular was about the sketch below, please read the sketch and then the comment which the company gave me.
Police Chasing a Criminal by Michael Everett ©
PART ONE "Kiss Chase"
EXT. DAY. BUSY STREET
On a busy street a POLICEMAN is chasing a CRIMINAL, who frantically doesn't want to be captured.
POLICEMAN
STOP! POLICE
The chase carries on; the CRIMINAL tries to evade capture, sometimes throwing obstacles into the POLICEMAN'S way. But the copper is having none of it; he is desperate to catch this CRIMINAL.
Cut to. The POLICEMAN has caught up with the CRIMINAL; he gives him a hard rugby tackle to the ground. The POLICEMAN is now on top. The CRIMINAL is scared by the POLICEMAN'S aggression.
CRIMINAL
I'm sorry, don't hurt me
The POLICEMAN grabs him by the scruff of the neck.
(Beat)
He plants a big kiss on the CRIMINALS lips.
POLICEMAN
Kiss chase, you're mine
The POLICEMAN gets up and skips away very happy. The CRIMINAL looks puzzled, he then decides to escape. END
=========================================================
PART TWO "Tag"
INT. DAY. INSIDE POLICE CAR
A POLICEMAN and POLICEWOMEN are in the middle of chasing a suspect in a car.
POLICEWOMEN
There he is
POLICEWOMEN
Don't let him get away
The chase continues, the two coppers mean business, and they want to catch this lawbreaker.
POLICEWOMEN (Shouting)
Get out the way
Cut to. They eventually corner him
POLICEWOMEN
He's cornered, Go go go
POLICEMAN
This bastards mine
EXT. DAY. CORNERED CAR
Cut to. The CRIMINAL is desperately trying escape but the police car has blocked him in. The POLICEMAN runs over and tags the criminal
POLICEMAN
Tag you're
The POLICEMAN runs back to the car giggling. The POLICEWOMEN chants at the criminal.
POLICEWOMEN
You're it, you're it
you're it
The POLICEMAN gets back into the car
POLICEMAN (To Policewomen)
Come on
She quickly climbs back into the car; they drive away, at speed. The CRIMINAL looks puzzled. He decides to escape. END
=========================================================
PART THREE "Lurgy at the Station"
INT. DAY. BOOKING STATION
A POLICEMAN brings a CRIMINAL into be booked
CRIMINAL
Piss off copper
POLICEMAN
Shut up
The POLICEMAN pushes the CRIMINAL to the booking desk
CRIMINAL
You ain't got nothing
on me
POLICEMAN
Book him
The BOOKING OFFICER isn't there. POLICEMAN peers over the desk. The BOOKING OFFICER quickly appears from behind it and touches POLICEMAN
BOOKING OFFICER
You've got the lurgy
BOOKING OFFICER runs away
POLICEMAN
Bastard
POLICEMAN chases BOOKING OFFICER into the back. The CHIEF walks by. POLICEMAN sees him, he touches him
POLICEMAN
Chiefs got the lurgy
(Beat)
CHIEF
Shit
The CHIEF doesn't want the lurgy, he runs after the other two. The POLICEMAN and BOOKING officer shout "Chiefs got the lurgy". Everyone runs away from him, the police station is now in chaos because the CHIEF has the lurgy. The criminal decides to escape. END
"Police Chasing a criminal was a decent series of sketches but would maybe work best of a childrens show"
I was just wondering if anyone agrees with this. Any other feedback is welcome. (The sketch wasn't written for children)
Many Thanks
Michael Everett