British Comedy Guide

Police Chasing a Criminal (Parts 1 - 3)

I recently received some feedback from a production company about a selection of sketches I sent to them, one comment in particular was about the sketch below, please read the sketch and then the comment which the company gave me.

Police Chasing a Criminal by Michael Everett ©

PART ONE "Kiss Chase"

EXT. DAY. BUSY STREET

On a busy street a POLICEMAN is chasing a CRIMINAL, who frantically doesn't want to be captured.

POLICEMAN
STOP! POLICE

The chase carries on; the CRIMINAL tries to evade capture, sometimes throwing obstacles into the POLICEMAN'S way. But the copper is having none of it; he is desperate to catch this CRIMINAL.

Cut to. The POLICEMAN has caught up with the CRIMINAL; he gives him a hard rugby tackle to the ground. The POLICEMAN is now on top. The CRIMINAL is scared by the POLICEMAN'S aggression.

CRIMINAL
I'm sorry, don't hurt me

The POLICEMAN grabs him by the scruff of the neck.

(Beat)

He plants a big kiss on the CRIMINALS lips.

POLICEMAN
Kiss chase, you're mine

The POLICEMAN gets up and skips away very happy. The CRIMINAL looks puzzled, he then decides to escape. END

=========================================================

PART TWO "Tag"

INT. DAY. INSIDE POLICE CAR

A POLICEMAN and POLICEWOMEN are in the middle of chasing a suspect in a car.

POLICEWOMEN
There he is

POLICEWOMEN
Don't let him get away

The chase continues, the two coppers mean business, and they want to catch this lawbreaker.

POLICEWOMEN (Shouting)
Get out the way

Cut to. They eventually corner him

POLICEWOMEN
He's cornered, Go go go

POLICEMAN
This bastards mine

EXT. DAY. CORNERED CAR

Cut to. The CRIMINAL is desperately trying escape but the police car has blocked him in. The POLICEMAN runs over and tags the criminal

POLICEMAN
Tag you're

The POLICEMAN runs back to the car giggling. The POLICEWOMEN chants at the criminal.

POLICEWOMEN
You're it, you're it
you're it

The POLICEMAN gets back into the car

POLICEMAN (To Policewomen)
Come on

She quickly climbs back into the car; they drive away, at speed. The CRIMINAL looks puzzled. He decides to escape. END

=========================================================

PART THREE "Lurgy at the Station"

INT. DAY. BOOKING STATION

A POLICEMAN brings a CRIMINAL into be booked

CRIMINAL
Piss off copper

POLICEMAN
Shut up

The POLICEMAN pushes the CRIMINAL to the booking desk

CRIMINAL
You ain't got nothing
on me

POLICEMAN
Book him

The BOOKING OFFICER isn't there. POLICEMAN peers over the desk. The BOOKING OFFICER quickly appears from behind it and touches POLICEMAN

BOOKING OFFICER
You've got the lurgy

BOOKING OFFICER runs away

POLICEMAN
Bastard

POLICEMAN chases BOOKING OFFICER into the back. The CHIEF walks by. POLICEMAN sees him, he touches him

POLICEMAN
Chiefs got the lurgy

(Beat)

CHIEF
Shit

The CHIEF doesn't want the lurgy, he runs after the other two. The POLICEMAN and BOOKING officer shout "Chiefs got the lurgy". Everyone runs away from him, the police station is now in chaos because the CHIEF has the lurgy. The criminal decides to escape. END

"Police Chasing a criminal was a decent series of sketches but would maybe work best of a childrens show"

I was just wondering if anyone agrees with this. Any other feedback is welcome. (The sketch wasn't written for children)

Many Thanks

Michael Everett

Hi Michael and welcome

I found these fairly amusing too (though I have a sneaky feeling I've seen something very like the first one before somewhere but can't call to mind where)

They are quite whimsical and as such would appeal to *both* adults and kids with the appropriate cleaning up the lingo for the kiddies.

Perhaps - from an adult perspective - once you've done the first an adult viewing them might try and second guess the next childish (as in behaviour of the officers I mean) gag coming up. Whereas kids might not guess what's coming and thus they may be surprised and equally amused each time.

The thing to remember though is that this is only the opinion of one person in one Production Company so until there was a string of people all saying the same thing I'd not be unduly worried.

EDIT

Would have to agree with DB's point below though and I didn't make it clear. I think that these are deffo adults first & foremost but could be adapted for youngsters. Can't think of a suitable kids' vehicle though except perhaps "to you to me" Chuckle Bros

B

These aren't bad. Like Blenks says, they seem a tad familiar though.

I disagree completely with the prod co - you'd want them play out like gritty dramas so the counterpoint of the silly punchline works.

Do yourself a favour and get rid of the sketch titles, they only serve to blow your punchline every time.

Thanks for the feedback, I have taken out the titles as they do give away the punchline straight away, and I will try a kids version and see how it works out.

It's a bit worrying that you both find them familiar though, I've had this sketch written for about 8 years now (Long time I know). After all those re-writes I hope someone hasnt beat me to it. Don't suppose you know where you remember it from by any chance?

Hi Michael,

Agree with previous posts that these seem familiar. Maybe "Not The Nine O'Clock News"?

IMO, you don't need to feature police and criminals in all of them, their theme is your common denominator.

For instance;

You could re-write the kiss-chase sketch to feature men in white coats and an escaped lunatic, for example.

The lurgy sketch could work quite nicely in a school. A school prefect, a naughty pupil, the Deputy Head and of course, the Head assuming the chief's role.

Good harmless fun, however it appears.

G.

Quote: Michael Everett @ March 4 2009, 6:51 PM GMT

It's a bit worrying that you both find them familiar though, I've had this sketch written for about 8 years now (Long time I know). After all those re-writes I hope someone hasnt beat me to it. Don't suppose you know where you remember it from by any chance?

I'm not sure where the others are refering to, but this is why the first one feels familiar to me.

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/11079

Clearly not the same thing, just a similar idea, which happens.

Quote: Ponderer @ March 5 2009, 12:27 PM GMT

I'm not sure where the others are refering to, but this is why the first one feels familiar to me.

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/11079

Clearly not the same thing, just a similar idea, which happens.

This one as well. It's a common theme. https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/11691
.

Quote: Morrace @ March 5 2009, 7:10 PM GMT

This one as well. It's a common theme. https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/11691
.

Oh yeah. There's a lot of it about.

BTW the production co seem to have missed the point with the kids thing.

Quote: Ponderer @ March 5 2009, 9:48 PM GMT

BTW the production co seem to have missed the point with the kids thing.

Agreed.

Now, children... are you sitting comfortably?

"The POLICEMAN grabs him by the scruff of the neck.
He plants a big kiss on the CRIMINALS lips." Rolling eyes

Or, given recent news, the PCSO version?

"Now, children, who wants to ride in the police van?"
No, Ahmed, I'm afraid you can't travel in that one.
Yes, I know William and Mary are allowed. I don't make the rules
But you don't want to travel with White Van Man anyway, do you now? You know they're terrible drivers"

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