Hi, Ok I have a bit of a 1st draft here again so it's not perfect but I'd like everyone opinion on what you think, Only posted the first 5 scenes to get the feel without boring you.
SCENE 1. INT. KITCHEN. DAY.
OLIVER, PAUL AND SIMON are all in the kitchen eating, drinking coffee and PAUL is munching on toast.
OLIVER and SIMON are dressed in suits and PAUL is dressed in baggy casual clothes, like he’s just rolled out of bed.
SIMON:
Got anything planned for the day Paul?
PAUL:
(Muffled by toast)
Nope.
SIMON:
(Wiping toast crumbs off his face)
Oh ok then.
OLIVER:
Aren’t you going to get bored sitting around all day doing absolutely nothing?
PAUL:
I find things to do.
SIMON:
Like?
PAUL:
I watch Jeremy Kyle and This Morning - for Fern Briton of course, then I go on the Internet and look (pause) at stuff (PAUL begins giggling)
SIMON:
That’s just disgusting!
OLIVER:
I hope you’re joking; I have to use that computer!
PAUL:
(Rather unconvincingly)
Course I’m joking, since moving here we have little to no privacy, had a different salesmen at the door everyday and as we don’t have curtains up yet, I can’t do anything without a vacuum cleaner salesmen seeing.
OLIVER:
(Relieved)
So glad you said salesmen.
SIMON:
You could put the curtains up yourself.
PAUL:
Neh, I’ve got to job hunt. See if I can put a creative writing degree to good use.
SIMON and OLIVER finish off their coffee.
OLIVER:
Sure, but if you actually get round to doing anything of substance, try putting up those curtains.
PAUL:
(Blankly)
Yeah, I’ll get right on that.
SIMON:
Right better get to something you wouldn’t touch with a barge pole (to OLIVER) you got the car keys?
OLIVER:
Yeah, see ya later.
PAUL:
Yeah, have fun making Microsoft richer.
OLIVER and SIMON leave the house.
Wide shot of PAUL standing by himself in the kitchen, you hear the tap dripping in the background.
END SCENE.
SCENE 2. INT. THE OFFICE. DAY
The office is of regular size a typical office both OLIVER and SIMON enter the building together.
SIMON:
I feel a bit sorry for Paul you know.
OLIVER:
(Staring at SIMON)
I have a feeling he’ll be just fine Simon.
SIMON:
No seriously, he just sits there all day doing nothing but watching TV, while we are in the exciting world of work.
OLIVER looks over at the receptionist, she looks very depressed.
OLIVER:
So, I’ll see you at lunch then?
SIMON:
(Deflated)
Err yeah sure.
END SCENE.
SCENE 3. INT. THE HOUSE. DAY
PAUL is sitting in front of the television with a bowl of cereal. You hear the rantings of Jeremy Kyle in the background.
PAUL:
(To himself)
Jeremy you’ve seen it all before, she’s a slut, come on!
PAUL gets up and walks into the middle room and looks at the curtains and the rail. Then moves over to the computer.
END SCENE.
SCENE 4. INT. THE OFFICE. DAY.
SIMON and OLIVER are sitting down at computers, there is a split screen of them working (as they work in different departments). They are both tapping away at a keyboard.
On SIMONs side someone walks up to him and leaves a file on his desk.
SIMON:
(Quietly)
Thanks Jane. How are the kids?
You don’t hear Jane’s response.
END SCENE.
SCENE 5. INT. THE HOUSE. DAY
PAUL is sat at the computer tilting his head, clearly looking at something he shouldn’t be.
PAUL:
(To himself)
So, it’s the left leg over his back then…
A banging at the door interrupts him. A man can clearly see through the window at what PAUL is looking at, the man smiles in an impressed manner.
PAUL closes down the computer and runs to the door and answers it.
PAUL:
(Embarrassed)
All right mate!
The salesmen at the door is wearing a cheap suit and holding a briefcase, he's a short Asian man with a moustache.
STEVE:
(A slight accent)
Hello sir! I’m Orhad Jehadmen Tofadus, but to save time and spelling mistakes my friends call me Steve. I couldn’t help but notice the pornography on your computer, don’t be embarrassed sir we all have urges. I can assure you I do the same thing. But we don’t have a computer so (small pause) well lets just say I’m not allowed in the local cyber café anymore!
PAUL:
(Mumbling)
Great more than I wanted to know. What do you want mate?
STEVE:
Oh right! Yes I am from Sweet Furniture Co. and I am here to sell you a beautiful leather reclining chair.
PAUL:
(Wide-eyed)
Ahhh man I’ve always wanted one of those chairs!
STEVE:
How about I come in and tell you more of the benefits of purchasing one of these fine chairs (wide smile as he walks in).
END SCENE.
