I wrote this ages ago, but don't know what to do with it, so I'll stick it up here for a bit.
INT. COMMERCIAL KITCHEN
A SUITED MAN, WITH CLIPBOARD, IS WALKING WITH A CHEF. THE SUITED MAN LOOKS IN A FRIDGE AND NODS HIS HEAD.
SUIT:
Excellent. I've never inspected a kitchen this clean. How do you do it?
CHEF:
Simple really. We take a broom handle, insert it into a stray cat and then push it round the kitchen. Tongue first.
SUIT:
I'm sorry?
CHEF:
Their tongues. They're abrasive.
SUIT:
You're joking, right?
CHEF:
No. It's a well known fact they have rough tongues.
SUIT:
But it's against health and safety!
CHEF:
What if we made them wear hairnets?
SUIT:
You CANNOT have cats in a kitchen!
CHEF:
But how are we going to clean up the rat droppings?
SUIT:
You have RATS in here?!
CHEF:
Yeah, we use 'em to dry the dishes.
SUIT:
WHAT?!
CHEF:
Yeah, we tried cats, but they're not keen on water.
SUIT:
No! No! No! I'm sorry, but this can't go on! I'm going to have to shut you down.
THE CHEF STARS LAUGHING.
SUIT:
What's so funny?
CHEF:
Your face! I can't believe you fell for it!
THE SUIT SLOWLY STARTS TO LAUGH.
SUIT:
I thought it was a little strange! I mean, we all know you should dry dishes with otters!
CHEF:
That's the spirit! So, we still passed?
SUIT:
With flying colours! Thank you once again!
THE SUIT SHAKES THE CHEF'S HAND AND EXITS. A SOUS CHEF COMES UP TO THE CHEF.
SOUS CHEF:
How's this one?
THE SOUS CHEF HOLDS UP A CAT IN A CAGE.
CHEF:
Cor! Look at the tongue on that!
ENDS
