Writing a treatment Page 3

Quote: Jane Perrin @ March 18 2009, 1:35 PM GMT

Spooky - I just wrote a pilot with someone we were calling 'All About Steve' initially.

But as (in our case) it took about ten minutes to explain the title we've changed it now!

Thanks for all these useful tips though. I'm going to submit my first treatment/ script to the writers room for radio soon so it's helpful to know how other people approach it. Although my first goal is just that they'll read beyond ten pages and give me a proper reply!

Jx

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Well it was originally called 'Educating Brian' but I changed it as Michael Jacob didn't like Brian!

'All about Eve' is a famous film title. I have writtten episodes of Doctors called... 'Heartbeats', 'Bringing up Baby', 'Where The Heart Is' 'Murder She Wrote'

It's like a sickness with me

Quote: Marc P @ March 18 2009, 1:44 PM GMT

Well it was originally called 'Educating Brian' but I changed it as Michael Jacob didn't like Brian!

'All about Eve' is a famous film title. I have writtten episodes of Doctors called... 'Heartbeats', 'Bringing up Baby', 'Where The Heart Is' 'Murder She Wrote'

It's like a sickness with me

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I like the name and had heard of the film - hence coming up with an alternative I think it's a band too. We then changed ours to the name of another film. If I did half as well as you writing wise I'd be well chuffed!

Good luck with the new one.

Jx

Regarding the questions about treatments and Writersroom, I simply send the script plus a covering letter, which includes a sentence or two about the script.

I don't really think a treatment is needed for Writersoom.

Surely a treatment should be a "taster" of what a script is about, which whets the appetite of a prodco before you get invited to send the script.

I actually wrote my first treatment yesterday. I've actually made it almost novelistic... you know... explaining a bit of back story about each character, etc, plus including the odd line of two about what they're feeling when something happens to them in the script.

For example, here is a part of the treatment which introduces one of my main characters:
(And no! It's not called Amy Samms is bored. That's the first line of the treatment!)

____________________________________

AMY SAMMS is bored!

Her life is monotonous and mundane. Nothing exciting ever happens! Twenty-two years of age and never really stepped foot outside her hometown. Does that make her sad? AMY seems to think so!

She was supposed to have the holiday of a lifetime with her mates, but that all fell through at the last minute. The thousand pounds of spends she'd saved in her little pot for sun, sand, sea, booze and thrills now serves no purpose.

And here we are! Another ho-hum day at work. She's a nurse in a busy hospital. And, before you ask, no! It's nothing like Holby or Casualty! There's no romance, glamour or glitziness. You just patch up broken people, then send them off again on their merry little way!

_______________________________________

Sounds good to me. I don't know much about the writer's room, but why are you opting to send it there, instead of a Production company?

From my lengthy experience of getting things on to commissioners' desks to be rejected:

If it's your first sitcom, focus on writing an episode, and not necessarily the setup. They want to see you can write funny. That's pretty much the main thing, and the hardest.

When you've honed the episode, write a one-page treatment, made up of:

- one sentence log line.
- A paragraph describing the sit, demonstrating why it's a com. (IE make its funniness clear.)
- A paragraph giving it some context, what it's like, audience, channel, how it's going to connect with people - the kind of stuff which will hopefully make a producer realise it's potentially commercial.
- Then a paragraph per character - NOT backstory, but who they are now, what's driving them, what their Achilles' Heels are. The point here is to demonstrate the character mix is good for a lot of episodes.
- Then do another page or two of synopses of potential other episodes for the rest of the first series, again to demonstrate it's got legs.

But the script is the main thing. And funny.

Quote: Mikey J @ March 19 2009, 2:30 PM GMT

AMY SAMMS is bored!

Her life is monotonous and mundane. Nothing exciting ever happens! Twenty-two years of age and never really stepped foot outside her hometown. Does that make her sad? AMY seems to think so!

She was supposed to have the holiday of a lifetime with her mates, but that all fell through at the last minute. The thousand pounds of spends she'd saved in her little pot for sun, sand, sea, booze and thrills now serves no purpose.

And here we are! Another ho-hum day at work. She's a nurse in a busy hospital. And, before you ask, no! It's nothing like Holby or Casualty! There's no romance, glamour or glitziness. You just patch up broken people, then send them off again on their merry little way!

_______________________________________

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Looks good, but cut down on the exclamation marks!!!

Quote: Marc P @ March 18 2009, 1:44 PM GMT

Well it was originally called 'Educating Brian' but I changed it as Michael Jacob didn't like Brian!

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You should have renamed him Peter.

Looks good, but cut down on the exclamation marks!!!

Yeah, s'pose, but it kind of signifies the emphasis on her frustration.

The rest of the synopsis calms down a bit. lol

Quote: Mikey J @ March 20 2009, 1:55 PM GMT

Yeah, s'pose, but it kind of signifies the emphasis on her frustration.

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What, by inducing equal frustration in the reader?

Oooooooh. Get her!

Quote: Marc P @ March 20 2009, 2:56 PM GMT

Oooooooh. Get her!

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Hey, I'm going to be a treatment writing expert in about two years time.

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ March 20 2009, 3:10 PM GMT

Hey, I'm going to be a treatment writing expert in about two years time.

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A homeopath?

Am I really that much of an exclamation mark junkie?

Honest, the rest of the synopsis isn't like that. AMY is a frustated exclamation-mark type of girl.

Quote: Mikey Jackson @ March 20 2009, 4:36 PM GMT

Am I really that much of an exclamation mark junkie?

Honest, the rest of the synopsis isn't like that. AMY is a frustated exclamation-mark type of girl.

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I just don't think a lot of that needs to be exclaimed. You get a good sense of her frustration without the need for exclamation marks I think.