Nice one! I've got a few on this show over the years. Different email address than usual but found out about it just in time!
Watson's Wind Up - oneliners & short sketches. Page 9
Oooh this week's deadline is tomorrow! Best I head over to the Scottish news websites.
Oooh, nearly missed this was startng up again, thanks to whoever mentioned/spotted it! (Do they not have a mailing list system?)
Anyone know the current hot Scottish news?
Quote: Hennell @ October 7 2009, 10:41 PM BSTAnyone know the current hot Scottish news?
Mad Jack McMad has just won this year's Mr Madman competition for the twenty-fourth year in a row.
Quote: Kevin Murphy @ October 7 2009, 10:44 PM BSTMad Jack McMad has just won this year's Mr Madman competition for the twenty-fourth year in a row.
Rigged.
Quote: Hennell @ October 7 2009, 10:41 PM BSTAnyone know the current hot Scottish news?
Sean Connery has been assassinated after revelations he wore a pair of y-fronts under his kilt.
Hadrian's Wall, it turns out, was built by Polish builders.
Just discovered the forum - great to read.
I've had a few gags on WW over the last few years, I think the trick is (apart from writing the odd side-splitter) to keep persevering.
Here is my selection for this week.
Cheers,
Tam
Doctors have warned that standing still for long periods of time can increase the risk of Deep Vein Thrombosis and have advised people to wear special socks similar to those worn by the Celtic defence.
Following the 4-1 defeat by Seville, Walter Smith has written to justice minister Kenny McAskill asking to be released on compassionate grounds.
Tony Mowbray insists his Celtic side will play this season with honesty, dignity, integrity and, when Stephen McManus plays, calamity.
The World's first dolphin-friendly football boots were revealed by Falkirk this week. The boots, when worn, guarantee that absolutely nothing ends up in the net.
At the Tory conference a new manifesto commitment was launched promising to rename the East End of London as Alfgarnettstan.
Following the news that the Tories will be supported by The Sun, Labour has revealed they will now be supported by The Big Issue.
Protestors against the Menie Estate golf project say they will only comply with a Compulsory Purchase Order if Donald Trump agrees to a Compulsory Haircut Order.
Eating sweets every day in childhood increases adult aggression, according to new research. Police have offered a bounty in a bid for further information.
After changing his name to 'Motherwell Football Club', Frazer Boyle says he will now create a tribute to Fir Park outside his home by ploughing his garden and planting Jersey potatoes.
Tory plans to 'Get Britain Working' were revealed this week. The plans will force the unemployed to carry out environmental work beginning with cleaning Sir Peter Viggers' duck pond where they will be paid a shilling per shit.
Turner Prize winning artist Tracy Emin says she will quit Britain in order to avoid paying a 50% tax rate. In response, a Treasury official said "she's made her bed, she better lie in it".
Dame Ellen MacArthur announced her retirement from competitive sailing this week and was immediately washed overboard in a flood of tears.
Artur Boruc is set to follow Kenny Miller and undergo acupuncture in a bid to maintain his reputation as the holey goalie.
Kenny Miller says he had no fear of undergoing acupuncture before the Old Firm game because he's used to having pricks on his back all of the time.
An enquiry has revealed that two-thirds of ambulance calls in Scotland at weekends are alcohol-related while the other third admitted being blitzed and couldn't remember dialling 999.
Sales of green olives among Celtic supporters have rocketed following the news that a Mediterranean diet can help prevent clinical depression.
An Edinburgh lollipop man has quit over claims he was told not to high-five children or give them sweets. John Hunter says he will now return to his old job as personal trainer for Sean Maloney.
The Tories say they will clamp down on incapacity cheats who feign injury to avoid work. They will begin by targeting the long-term unemployed, single mums and the entire Scotland squad.
Kenny McAskill says that 'Lads-Mags' containing graphic images which can cause distress and hurt may have to be placed on the top shelves. The titles affected include GQ, Loaded, Nuts and The Celtic View - Old Firm Special.
Marine scientists say the swordfish caught by a fisherman on the River Forth is highly unusual. Swordfish are normally found on the River Clyde, near Glasgow city centre around 12 on a Saturday night, just after the pubs come out.
It has sort of dawned on me listening tonight that I literally just send gags that have something specifically Scottish about them.
You live and learn.
>I literally just send gags that have something specifically Scottish about them.
Heh - Personally I tend to ignore any real Scottish things, as they'll have that covered better then I could. I honestly have little idea what half the show is on about, so clearly would be useless trying to write that half!
Also; both welcome & congrats Tam-s! Heard at least one of your jokes so far (The sweets = Adult aggression). Amusingly they re-wrote it almost exactly like I thought they would!
(Heh - I'm listening now and had forgotten how short they like their sketches. It's like twitter for sketch comedy!)
Yes, well done Tam. Spotted three of the one liners you posted, which I thought were of a pretty high standard - sweets, lad mags and Stephen McManus.
I'll certainly submit some stuff next week.
Thanks gents, much appreciated.
I was delighted with the result but I know its equally likely I'll have nada chosen for a few weeks - its all part of the game I suppose.
Best of luck,
Tam
I'm surprised this one wasn't used:
"An enquiry has revealed that two-thirds of ambulance calls in Scotland at weekends are alcohol-related while the other third admitted being blitzed and couldn't remember dialling 999."
I think it's the best of your bunch.
Anyone know if there's a reason why this one isn't available for download?
I'm not sure if I just need to wait longer, it's a regional thing (I'm in London), or that it's just that this programme is streaming only.
Any ideas?
I just listened to it.
Go to the BBC Scotland Website.
Search for series 4 episode 1.