Forget it.
Watson's Wind Up - oneliners & short sketches. Page 11
Quote: Sinead Horan-Webb @ October 14 2009, 6:08 PM BSTRe. Friday Link - your comment about talking about gags after the fact.
Sorry, you are quite right and do not sound at all like a dick. I feel like a dick, though!
I can see how posting ideas for gags before the show will make other people rethink theirs.
My bad!
Thanks for bringing this to my attention.
Hey don't worry about it.
Now excuse me while I go on Rab C Nesbitts website for some inspiration.
Cos I've got nothing so far.. 
Hi all,
I've submitted a few newslines to the show this week. Very doubtful anything will get on.
Anyway I've never listened to the show as I am outside of the UK and I don't believe I can access the i-player.
If someone could record the show on mp3 or something tomorrow and email me it, I'd be very very grateful.
I should at least have a listen to it before I try and contribute again!
It seems it's best to aim in good advance of the deadline - I only managed to find time to type things up this morning, so managed to submit only just before 12.
Just got an e-mail back saying they'd already selected the material for this weeks show (Although if it still works next week it could get used...) (Also the contact e-mail has changed back to Philip Differ.)
And I thought the hard part about comedy writing was, you know, the actual writing....
There is the deadline ... and then there is the *other* deadline.
At least you got a mail.
Its annoying as I like writing to the 12pm deadline ... gives me focus for the 60 mins* I devote to this.
*The actual gag writing bit. Collect stories across the week.
Quote: Hennell @ October 15 2009, 12:50 PM BSTIt seems it's best to aim in good advance of the deadline - I only managed to find time to type things up this morning, so managed to submit only just before 12.
Just got an e-mail back saying they'd already selected the material for this weeks show (Although if it still works next week it could get used...) (Also the contact e-mail has changed back to Philip Differ.)
And I thought the hard part about comedy writing was, you know, the actual writing....
Which email address did you send them to?
Quote: Gregor Shamsa @ October 15 2009, 2:21 PM BSTWhich email address did you send them to?
philipdiffer@comedyunit.co.uk is the email address Gregor.
Quote: Hennell @ October 15 2009, 12:50 PM BSTAnd I thought the hard part about comedy writing was, you know, the actual writing....
Nope - there's several layers of difficulty on top of that, I'm afraid...
Quote: Gerry McDonnell @ October 15 2009, 3:36 PM BSTphilipdiffer@comedyunit.co.uk is the email address Gregor.
Thanks
Quote: Gregor Shamsa @ October 15 2009, 2:21 PM BSTWhich email address did you send them to?
Well from the WWU web page/what someone said before, I thought it had changed to Cat Ross. But yeah philipdiffer@comedyunit.co.uk is the address to send stuff to.
Quote: R.J. @ October 15 2009, 4:03 PM BSTNope - there's several layers of difficulty on top of that, I'm afraid...
Well most of the bits after you've written it are out of your control. (You know like whether it gets used/people laugh etc...)
Of course correctly sending to the right person for the right time... That's still in the areas of 'work I have to do'. And its not as fun as writing jokes..
Comrades,
This week's WW shenanigans.
All the best,
Tam
Scotland's oldest criminals, two 70-year old pensioners who robbed a Glasgow convenience store, say they were only following in the footsteps of their heroes, Bonnie and Clyde, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid and Jack and Victor.
The SFA are to use video footage for evidence of simulation and have charged Glen Loovens with simulating a defender.
The Duke of Edinburgh has attacked the complexity of TV sets and remote-controls saying the only ones he can understand are those made by Phillips.
Cities and towns in Scotland will be used to help represent a large-scale model of the solar system. Glasgow will be the Sun, Inverness will be Saturn and Cumbernauld will be Uranus.
Parents are being warned not to waste money on sending their children to unrecognised drama schools but to send them to official classes such as the SFA coaching course at Largs.
Health minister Nicola Sturgeon has reacted badly to the news that NHS Scotland spends over £130 million a year on allergies.
Pixar's new film 'Up', which describes the career of an old man who spent most of his career working with balloons, has been given a glowing endorsement by Walter Smith.
An Edinburgh chip shop was closed down this week after inspectors found a dead mouse on the premises. The owner has been fined £300 and banned for 3-months from serving chips'n'cheese
Falkirk FC say their failure to score has left them at the bottom and have asked for permission to speak to Polish attacker Roman Polanski.
Sad news from the world of Boy Bands this week when the tragic announcement was made that Take That are on tour again.
NASA has denied that Frenchman Guy Laliberté is the first clown in space and say it first happened when David Beckham joined LA Galaxy.
Scottish sheep exports to England were given a timely boost this week following the news that Aberdeen wish join the Premier League.
Former Home Secretary Jacqui Smith apologised to the House of Commons this week for breaching expenses rules. The speech was televised live on the pay-per-view subscription channel MPTV.
New FIFA eligibility rules stating that a player must have been to school in a country for at least 5-years means that David Beckham will now lose his 100 England caps.
Gordon Brown is to pay back £12,000 in expenses claims - £11,999 for cleaning bills and the rest for his Raith Rovers season ticket.
A scanner which produces "naked" images of passengers has started operating at Manchester Airport following successful trials in Tokyo, Seoul and Bangkok.
Pensioner Fred Bowers, who showcased his break-dancing skills on television, is paying back £3,000 after his disability claims were investigated. The DWP report described his moves as more hip-op than hip-hop.
Cardiff City have received a letter from Sir Thomas Legg demanding they repay the fee paid by Celtic for Glen Loovens.
The producers of Actimel have defended their yoghurt by claiming it is good for young people, especially youth culture.
Following his porn-video controversy the husband of former home secretary Jacqui Smith says he is delighted she will be keeping the Labour whip.
Youth culture ... very good.
Nice
Former Home Secretary Jacqui Smith apologised to the House of Commons this week for breaching expenses rules. The speech was televised live on the pay-per-view subscription channel MPTV.
I like that one best...
and youth culture is very clever (too clever?) 
I liked the Uranus gag. I know it's an old one but I can see that on Watson's.
I admire your productivity, Tam. I set out to write 20 gags this week, like you last week (and this), and I ended up sending three.
Some efforts this week...
A man who robbed a pharmacy in Ayr with his son's toy gun was caught after police identified him through his distinctive walk. Though the main reason he was spotted was because he was the only person not walking around Ayr with a real gun.
Former Celtic striker Henrik Larsson has admited he would be keen to return to the club in a coaching role but said 'Nothing was happening at the moment' – just like the current Celtic strikers whenever they're playing
Sven-Goran Eriksson has rejected an approach by North Korea to become the country's new manager. They thought about approaching George Burley – but North Korea's unpopular enough as it is
The latest unemployment figures show the increase in people claiming Jobseeker's Allowance in Scotland has slowed. Mind you, most people wouldn't have minded seeing a slight increase – if that number included George Burley
A TV advert which claimed that a yoghurt improved children's natural defences against disease has been banned as it can't be proved. That's bad news for George Burley – he's been desperately feeding it to his entire back four
Celtic star Scott Brown is alleged to have had a "boozy bust up" at an amusement park. You can't blame him for going there though. You'd need cheering up if you had to look at Tony Mowbray's face all day
A couple from Edinburgh have been fined for having sex in a police station car park. It was an obscene act in public – something you only tend to see in Edinburgh when the festival's on
According to reports, three quarters of people claiming incapacity benefit are faking their illness. They're even better at faking injury than the ten players who pulled out of the Scotland squad to play Japan
Hearts winger Andrew Driver may be eligible to play for Scotland, despite previously playing for the England Under-21s. There's not really room in the Scotland set up for another England reject – not with Terry Butcher there as well / He still wants to play for a top international side – but unfortunately he doesn't have any German relatives
The SFA's head of referee development, Hugh Dallas, has said lower-level fixtures are being hit by a lack of referees. It's really affected the amateur game – although they still managed to find a ref for Scotland's last international.
Alex Salmond is to repay more than £700 following the independent audit of MPs' expenses. He said 'when you call in a referee, then you accept the referee's verdict' – unless you're a Celtic fan this season
A translation company is looking to recruit Glaswegian interpreters to help business clients understand the local dialect. Successful candidates could earn up to £140 a day – double if they have to translate anything Walter Smith says
Scotland were humiliated once again by losing two nil in a friendly game against Japan. Mind you, it was a nice nod to Japanese culture – being so kamikaze in defence
An animal rights poster promoting vegetarianism has been banned for wrongly implying that eating meat caused swine flu. So you won't need to have inoculations after eating meat – unless it's a late night kebab in Dundee
A survey says about a third of office employees end up throwing sensitive documents in the bin instead of shredding them. Most of them end up losing their office jobs – and then getting recruited by MI5
US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton met political leaders in Northern Ireland this week in an attempt to face some of the most serious problem to come out of Ireland today – mainly John and Edward from The X-Factor
A new survey claims that three quarters of workers think their organisations could do more to protect their customers' sensitive information. And the other quarter didn't care about people's privacy – they were Daily Record journalists
A new Michael Jackson song, the first track to emerge since the star's death, has been heard for the first time. It's called 'This is It' – two letters short of how most people described Michael's music during the last years of his life
Whitney Houston has announced her first major UK tour in over 11 years. She'll be appearing at all her favourite venues – Thresher's, Wine Rack and Bargain Booze
Joan Collins has said she's started shopping at Primark because of the recession. It's when she starts working there that we know things are really bad