British Comedy Guide

Under the table talk

This is a little idea I've been chucking round the old noggin for a while now. I plan to make them into animated shorts for the internet. What I think makes them special is that I don't plan anything when I write it (You'll probably be able to tell), it's improv script writing. They make me chuckle a lot. I would love to get some opinion on this and find out whether or not it has any legs.

Cheers

INT. UNDER THE TABLE - DAY

man1 and man2 (both wearing dinner suits)are sat crossed legged opposite each other under a table.

MAN1
Hey what is that you've got there?

MAN2
This, its a time machine

MAN1
Really? It looks like an old shoe to me

MAN2
And I suppose you know what time machines look like?

MAN1
Well, no, but why would you make them look like footwear?

MAN2
Why not

MAN1
You could put it on by mistake. Every step would take you back a decade

MAN2
At least you'd never be late

MAN1
Yeah but you'd be quite a bit early as well

MAN2
True, but its your own daft fault for putting a time machine on in the first place

MAN1
Let's forget all this quabbling and have some sandwiches

MAN2
I concur sir, what fillings do you have?

MAN1
Only marmite I'm afraid

MAN2
Bugger. I fall into the 50% that hate it

MAN1
You don't have to have marmite

MAN2
What else is there?

MAN1
You could just have extra butter

MAN2
Good idea. What are you having on yours?

MAN1
Lemon

MAN2
A lemon sandwich?

MAN1
Yes. You sound surprised?

MAN2
Sorry, I do that without noticing sometimes

MAN1
I'm afraid I can't let you off the hook for that one so easily

MAN2
I understand

MAN1
Do you mind if I start to eat my sandwich here?

MAN2
I'd rather you didn't

MAN1
You make a fair point

MAN2
Do you want something to drink?

MAN1
Yes please. What do you think will compliment my lemon sandwich?

MAN2
Lemon squash

MAN1
Gahh it was so obvious. I owe you a beer my good man

MAN2
Thanks for reminding me

MAN1
You're welcome. Are you going to have some lemon squash with your butter butty?

MAN2
Nah I'm going to have a glass of lurpack on the rocks

MAN1
Slightly salted?

MAN2
Of course. Is there any other way to have it?

MAN1
Many. You could have it heavily salted for example

I like this, well what I read of it. I could only read about a quarter before it was too much to swallow. Try to break it up into smaller bits.

It's good though. There is a Roald Dahl, Spike Milligan vibe to it.

I like this, but I also couldn't read all of it. Quite Pinter-esque I thought, reminded me of Trouble in the Works.

Edit: Actually I think it reminds me more of Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett.

Cheers for the comments guys. I took your advice and split it up into smaller bits.

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