Gordon Brown is sat at Desk and Jacqui Smith walks in.
JS: Got a minute Gordon?
GB: Just as long as the word "expenses" isn't used.
JS: Prisons.
GB: Fraudulent expenses claims can indeed lead to prison Jacqui.
JS: No. The sheer number of prisoners. The whole system is just overflowing.
GB : Overflowing? Can't have that – what will the human rights people say? What's the plan?
JS: We've simply got to get prisoner numbers down.
GB: Let's hear it then.
JS: Drink drivers. Give em a fine and let them go.
GB: Good idea. Let's face it the pubs need all the help they can get.
JS: The economic climate, burglaries are going to go sky high. So no custodial term for house breakers, just community service.
GB: Great blind folks could do with an extra hand.
JS: Yes Gordon I'm sure you'll make great use of the service.
GB: What else?
JS: Rapists. Unsafe convections on the most part that report said. Let them out.
GB: Didn't it say "not enough" were convicted?
JS: Whatever? I need the space.
GB: Murderers?
JS: Oh yeah. I'm just going to automatically half all their sentences.
GB: Good. Might help keep the population down a bit. They're a drain on government resources the bloody public.
JS: Oh yeah Ronnie Biggs he's almost eighty and got pneumonia – costs 32 grand a year to keep him so he' going out.
GB: F**k off! Have you gone mad? We've got to be strong on crime. What sort of message is that? If you're old and ill you can go free?
JS: Christ Gordon, it all happened in 1963 for God sake.
GB: And Hitler? If he was around now could he go free because he was 120 and the second world war was years ago?
JS: He's bloody well dead Gordon and you know it.
GB Come on Jacqui show some bloody backbone – don't be unrealistic with all this.
JS: Sorry Gordon.
GB: What do you need all this space for anyway?
JS: The state you've got this country in – people are on a f**king waiting list wanting to get in.