British Comedy Guide

One for the cricket fans - if there are any left !

England cricket captain Andrew Strauss and West Indian cricket captain Chris Gayle are sat at a cafe on the beach, shades on, red stripe in one hand and a big splif in the other. Both are laughing their heads off.

Strauss holds up his red stripe and splif.

AS: I love tours in the West Indies man!

CG : You want to try living here full time – chill!

AS : That was a good one today Chris. A real classic.

CG : Yes! But you boys set the bar high. Picking Ian Bell in the first test! – hilarious. And then that second innings, 51 all out. You got some big balls man.

AS : Yeah – but building a test match pitch on 6 foot of sand. That must have taken you years to dream up.

CG : Took a bit of planning Straussy, I can tell you.

AS : You wound up old Boycott good and proper.

Gayle spits out mouthful of beer with laughing.

CG : Yeah he bought that line about us getting a bunch of Chinese contractors to lay the pitch.

AS: Yorkshireman – thick as shit!

CG : Did you hear him on 5Live? (does Boycott impression) "What do chinamen know about preparing wickets?"

AS : Viv Richards was pissing himself in the commentary box.

CG : Well at his age you got to expect that sort of thing.

Both laugh and take long draws on splifs.

CG: Anyway you may as well pay up now! I'm the king of the practical jokes. You ain't going to beat an abandoned test match.

A waitress appears with phone in hand.

Waitress : Mr Strauss? I've got Freddie Flintoff on the phone he says he's got the elephants you requested, the crickets pads fit them no problem and he's managed to train them to jump over the stumps.

I can't believe the administrators haven't taken this down yet. There's a line, Sir, and you crossed it.

Nice idea though, and well executed although the punch line suffers from it being difficult to think of anything more farcical than what has already happened.

Tommorow they're having a Sand Castle Competition.

I bet Ian Bell is shit at that too. Angry

Share this page